The Night Wind Returns

I am back.

A lot of things have changed since I last typed out something here in this blog, and there are so many things which I have realized throughout the three weeks’ 2009 Camp Cameron.

And the night wind has been blowing more and more frequent ever since.

So many things, so many events. So many breakthroughs, so many mistakes. All learnt, all experienced… How short is that three weeks before my eyes but yet… the things I have obtained during that period will be sure to last a lifetime.

Compared to the person whom I am in the past, I am still the same… Nothing much have changed. In fact, I felt that I have gotten fatter. But deep inside, I knew that my existence has been given much more meaning, and much more purpose - all because I have learnt more on the One who has created me.

Recently I have begun to see that I have developed a rather strange inclination for randomness in my attitude and conduct. Everyone noticed that as well, but after spending some time to think and dwell upon this matter… I realized that perhaps, I am not being random at all. Unpredictable? Yes. But just because I have begun liking to do things which are rather spontaneous and unexpected does not mean that I am being random.

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.” - Genesis 22:2

This is one event in the Bible that I see as something much unexpected. All the sudden, God decided to command Abraham to sacrifice the son God Himself has given to him in the first place - Abraham’s only and beloved son; but it is not something which happened randomly. God certainly did not give that command by chance, and because Abraham chose not to withhold his only son, Isaac, to God, he was blessed for his obedience (Genesis 22:16-18).

This passage struck me as I read through a book called “The Ragamuffin Gospel”, page 35; and here an interesting quote from the same page:

“when I look at that God, the God of Abraham, I feel that I’m near a real God, not the sort of dignified, businesslike, Rotary Club God we chatter about here on Sunday morning. Abraham’s God could blow a man to bits, give and then take a child, ask for everything from a person, and then want more. I want to know that God.”

Definitely I want to know that kind of God as well, but not merely because that He is being radical or different - but it is because I know that this is the kind of God this world needs, and it is also the same reason which makes Him so real and living to me. The God I want to believe in is not a God of Legalism or Good Works or any other similar form of rubbish which we humans have created out of our stupidity and ignorance, because I know… that is not God. The God who first came to me, the God who stayed with me, and the God who will be with me for the days to come, whom I realized I known from the start, is a God who can never be found sitting on the fence, who is always full of surprises (with the occasional sense of humour), and a God who is perfect in all ways, but yet because He is perfect, I can come to Him as who I am - no extras, no self - beating, and definitely no butt - kissing.

He came to me and saved me when I have nothing; He stayed with me when I have nothing and even though I will have nothing good to offer Him for the rest of my life - nothing more, and definitely nothing less, I can always be sure He will be with me. The God I know, never expect me to do things to earn brownie points from Him (which to me, is a total nonsense), but He is a God whom I will be honoured to serve as much as I can afford just for the simple reason that He loves me. He is a God of Relationships - radical, unpredictable at times… but always constant, always faithful.

He is a God who keeps me going even when I do not expect anything in return, because I choose to serve Him out of joy. It is joyful to know that I have such a God, and to serve Him alone would be a joyful privilege as well. Of course His rewards are abundant and eternal; I know that as well as all of you, but when I began to see the bigger picture behind our relationship… I realized that all this while; I have served Him just because that to be a part of this relationship alone is heaven. I never looked at His rewards, or even have the need to think about them, because His presence alone is just what I needed. The best part? Everything else will follow after that. It comes in a package even though I did not ask for it in the first place. =)

All have been given. All provided even though we have nothing in return. If this is not grace, what else?

For three weeks I have been taking the time to know God even better and I have began to be more attentive to what He wants from me. I know, sometimes I am just stubborn and a helpless idiot. Well, I am after all… human to start with. But one thing I know, I try to listen, I try to discern, and I will do what I can afford to. Sometimes, things can go unpredictable, but God will never test me or assign me with things that are more than I am able to. I can always trust Him on this. God is good, all the time~!

…Looks like I’m done for now. If there’s anything else, I will write again in another blog post but for now, my work is finished.

The night wind passes by.

Wilson Khor Woo Han (Seymour Nightweaver)

Date: 8th June 2009