Not A Message, But I know I Must Post This!!!

"Being with God is always a joyful torment. When you feel fired up for Him, you can't rest, you can't stop, you just want to keep on GOING even when you are tired!!!" - Seymour Nightweaver

Father,

I know there must be a reason for me to post this right now... Alright, here goes...

Okay, brothers and sisters...

I know that it is 4am right now, and I just had a Coke overconsumption over at McD... But I am just feel so fired up that I have been writing these since three hours ago! I do not know whether all of you will agree on what I've been feeling about myself right now, but here goes... I'm not showing off or anything here, but its just... Arrrgh! I just know I must post it here! I just can't sleep thinking about it! It's a bit messy (and I can't separate them because all of them comes together in a set), but hope you all will enjoy them nevertheless!

PS: It's EXACTLY the same one I posted over at our Facebook's PKA group forum... But I just know that I must post it here too! This is the first time that I am really feeling all fired up for Father, but I am really in unrest here until I am done with my work here as well...

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I JUST DON'T SMILE

I am in peace
enjoying tranquility
The early breath of dawn
or the Holy Father's presence
but people just can't see it
because I don't smile.

I am in joy
heart in warmth
Before fellowship's bonfire,
and being with everyone
but all never felt it
because I don't smile.

I am in gratitude
with overflowing love
My beloved sisters in Christ
my fellow supportive brethren
but no one noticed it
because I don't smile.

Perhaps, I'll change
let His will be done
but don't get me wrong
for depression and sorrow
those chains never bind
my face to this mask.

My lips' just too fat
so my smiles gone unnoticed
but you can still see them
straight from my heart
engraved eternally
in strokes and curves.

Flowing
from passion's creek.

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SOMETIMES

Sometimes,

You see me sitting quietly
at the corner of the crowd
But I'm not isolating myself
I'm just enjoying the fellowship
and the Spirit's presence, quietly.

Sometimes,

You see me drowning in darkness
in past anguish or sorrow
But I'm just losing focus
Just knock some sense in me
and bring me back to my present.

Sometimes,

You see me depressed
helplessly paralyzed
But I'm just being forgetful
needing a reminder
to rely on God, not myself.

And sometimes,

You see me troubled
not knowing what I really wanted
But I'm just confused
caught in my complex self
a metamorphosis, in growing to soar.

I know it's hard

But I need you all
to guide me, to support me
In my search behind this mask
for the very image
of Jesus Christ.

All told to me
through the Holy Spirit...

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NOT ME, BUT YOU

I often stumble
I often mislead myself
because I didn't ask for strength
nor listen to Your voice.

I often confuse myself
I often deceive myself
because I am seeking my own identity
and not the one in You.

I often bind myself
I often drank my own venom
because I forgot my vine
not seeking Your Holy Spirit.

I often mess myself up
I often retrogress
because I failed to understand
it's not about me, but You!!

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INSPIRED (BY THE HOLY SPIRIT)

Sitting idly,
heart in silence,
but without me knowing
it bloomed
like midnight rose
as the Spirit shine
gleaming like moonlight.

Inspired
by a strange flame
never scorching, but warm
like embracing wings
it cover me
with a burning passion
gentle, yet powerful.

I kept silent
as I hear You speak
trying to understand
decoding strange codes
that seemed so familiar
deep inside my core
and put them, on paper.

Thank You
and praise You,
Holy Spirit.

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I'm really sorry if I am really acting like a freak or anything... I just know I must post these poems here, and I just want to let go of this burden so that I can finally retire for the night in peace. I really can't sleep right now - I'm just simply burned up and excited all over! Again, I am really really sorry.

PS: Perhaps it is all because of the unrest I am having all this time whenever I try to find the answer to my own identity... There's no such thing as my own identity, there's only my identity in Christ! My prayer has finally been answered! :D

Seymour Nightweaver (3rd December 2008)

Message 8#

“God has made our world full of abundance, it is just us who made the limits and misused our resources…” – Seymour Nightweaver

Father,

Today I’ve been thinking… All of us humans have been living in a world full of limitations and lacks. There’re so many people around us who die of starvation or thirst, and many more who lacks many other things such as security, peace, home, clothing and most importantly, love. Taking a look into my life alone, I can see that there so many things which I am lacking especially in the past: love, attention, respect, knowledge and many more apart from mere physical needs…

Father, I have been thinking of everything today, on what this world lacks, what has changed and what has actually caused it in the beginning… Today, what that was supposed to be priceless: life, love, goodness, innocence to name a few, is as worthless as a single piece of paper. Yes, to worth no more than a piece of empty cheque, thanks to the control of economy over our daily lives… We placed everything that we know in our lives a value in this worldly system to begin with, and afterwards we speculate these prices. I am not saying that the world’s economic system is no good after all and we should just stay in the Stone Age right in the beginning, Father, but when whatever that has been created for the good of all has been corrupted and misused, those are the causes to the sufferings we all facing today… Because of greed and selfishness, the monetary system, which originally supposed to help us humans in distributing our resources more effectively such as food, has been the source of our everyday torment, corruption and disintegration of our society. Economic imbalance between nations has cause an uneven distribution of resources among the people, and the materialistic mindset has caused everything on our lives to degrade in value.

Father, how all of us have forsaken You in our lives… We often blamed it on somebody else, or to the world in a more collective manner, but how many have really thought about the whole thing thoroughly, on where is the true fault really lies. Money may be the problem in this world, but it is those who misused it who is the true culprit, and everyone is no exception. Everyone is a part of this world’s simple yet complex financial and economic system. Economy may have made everyone feel worthless or powerless in this matter, but the truth is, everyone contributes, no matter how meagre, and so is how the blame must be shared among all.

Father, You have made everyone’s lives equal. You have made values like love, faith, grace, mercy, goodness and many more priceless. You have made this world perfect and abundant, but look at what all of us have done! The world has now corrupted, and You know that far better than myself. I am crying to You right now, for I really do not want to live in the world I am living in right now. I can’t imagine how much suffering a person would have to undergo in this cruel and heartless world… Not just for me, but for everyone else, even for those who are yet to come… Father, I know I am really not this kind of person I am now, but I just can’t help thinking of the dread which all of us have to live in today…

Father, where are those who has a heart for You have gone? Where are they now, Father? Are there still goodness in this land apart from Yours, Father? Everything is so abundant around us until this very day, but how limited everything seems when we all try to grasp them with our selfish and filthy hands… Please forgive us for our sins, Father. Please guide us back to You, O’ Father to the way You wanted us to live.

So many people have strayed from You. Many have become criminals and prostitutes. Unrest is in the air, and poverty is rampant among the world of abundance You have created. Many have judged and accused You for being unfair, when it is their failure for letting their ignorance conceal them from the real problem – human greed and selfishness. But what can we do to undo this trouble which we invited ourselves?

What can we do without You, O’ Father? Your Kingdom is all that we are waiting for, but who knows when it’ll come but You? Till then, we need Your mercy and grace as we Christians face this world before us, Father.

Father,

I pray to You today, please provide us with the strength and might we need to face this harsh world as we live in it each passing day. Please give us the provisions we needed badly from You, Lord, for our labour will be great and our yoke will be demanding as we struggle to survive in this realm of existence. Please be our beacon of hope, Father, please let Your protective wings be our shelter as we seek spiritual refuge from the world’s atrocities… Please, Father, may Your love continue to be cherished onto those who need it, and may Your hands be on those who deserves to be nurture, for someday, Your Kingdom is coming… May You guide us and not let us stray as we patiently wait for Your coming, and as Your will be done, may the whole Earth praise You, for Your glory and unconditional love which You have blessed us with… Thank You, Father, for all You have done for all of us. In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.

PS: And all this is written just because I’m not eating enough for my lunch. What inspiration. Thank You, Father. ^^

Seymour Nightweaver (25th November 2008)