Wednesday, April 6, 2011

This blog is closing.

Everyone,

Just went to tell you that I am about to close this blog. I won't be deleting it, but I won't update it neither.

I've started a new blog called Ripples with a bunch of my friends, which also comes with a slightly different concept. Why don't you go and check it out? =)

www.rippling-ripples.blogspot.com

See you there.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Message 11#

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” - Psalm 30:5

What wonderful verse You have gave me on the first day I began reading on “The Daily Bread”. It may be the outdated December - February issue, but the spiritual bread has served me well. Thank You. =)

I know that I have gone through almost the same thing back in Camp Cameron, but again, I am one who is lacking in faith and one who is always struggling and disobeying you. Darkness seemed to return again into the shadows of my heart, but I now know that it is because that I have slipped and have turned away from You that it has returned. You have never abandoned me, but it is me who is careless and self - centred in nature.

Whenever I turned away from Your ways, the darkness always seeps in again without me noticing, and here I am again in my pathetic and depressed state. I have always came back to You weary and wounded, but praise You and thank You, for You are always there for me to seek healing and restoration from You.

Often I wondered, why… But again, as what You have taught me all this while, that is obviously a stupid question to ask - because this is who You are, and the fact that You love me.

Ah, what pleasant weather and what soothing wind, as I feel Your presence today at this very moment. It really sad though that I am not really the type who enjoys direct sunlight as I am typing this, but I can really say that it did give a pleasant environment to be inspired and write right now.

Over and over, darkness creeps again, but You are always there for me when I turn for You in despair, knowing how lacking I am without You. Rejections, depressions, sorrows, and pain which I have underwent in times of darkness, vanish when I have my focus back to You.

This may be something which most might find not very interesting or very insightful compared to the previous posts… because this is something which I feel is something which everyone goes through from time to time in their lives but failed to notice. This may just be something plain which is going through in my life, but again - I am a plain normal Christian here, and I am not ashamed to admit that I am nothing special but am equal with the rest of my brothers and sisters.

I may be a reject before the people around me… I may be spending most of my time feeling hurt and lonesome… But still, the light of dawn still shines on me. And with the beginning of the day, comes new work for my beloved Master.

And another thing. I supposed I will not plan to insert anymore new post here any longer. Thinking back, I realized that I may not need this blog any longer… since I already have a new one which I feel is more suited to my current spiritual growth. =)

My old shell’s cracking and peeling away… Time for me to adorn myself in a new one.

Again, the night has passed away. Dawn has awaken. =)

Seymour Nightweaver (15th July 2009)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Night Wind Returns

I am back.

A lot of things have changed since I last typed out something here in this blog, and there are so many things which I have realized throughout the three weeks’ 2009 Camp Cameron.

And the night wind has been blowing more and more frequent ever since.

So many things, so many events. So many breakthroughs, so many mistakes. All learnt, all experienced… How short is that three weeks before my eyes but yet… the things I have obtained during that period will be sure to last a lifetime.

Compared to the person whom I am in the past, I am still the same… Nothing much have changed. In fact, I felt that I have gotten fatter. But deep inside, I knew that my existence has been given much more meaning, and much more purpose - all because I have learnt more on the One who has created me.

Recently I have begun to see that I have developed a rather strange inclination for randomness in my attitude and conduct. Everyone noticed that as well, but after spending some time to think and dwell upon this matter… I realized that perhaps, I am not being random at all. Unpredictable? Yes. But just because I have begun liking to do things which are rather spontaneous and unexpected does not mean that I am being random.

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.” - Genesis 22:2

This is one event in the Bible that I see as something much unexpected. All the sudden, God decided to command Abraham to sacrifice the son God Himself has given to him in the first place - Abraham’s only and beloved son; but it is not something which happened randomly. God certainly did not give that command by chance, and because Abraham chose not to withhold his only son, Isaac, to God, he was blessed for his obedience (Genesis 22:16-18).

This passage struck me as I read through a book called “The Ragamuffin Gospel”, page 35; and here an interesting quote from the same page:

“when I look at that God, the God of Abraham, I feel that I’m near a real God, not the sort of dignified, businesslike, Rotary Club God we chatter about here on Sunday morning. Abraham’s God could blow a man to bits, give and then take a child, ask for everything from a person, and then want more. I want to know that God.”

Definitely I want to know that kind of God as well, but not merely because that He is being radical or different - but it is because I know that this is the kind of God this world needs, and it is also the same reason which makes Him so real and living to me. The God I want to believe in is not a God of Legalism or Good Works or any other similar form of rubbish which we humans have created out of our stupidity and ignorance, because I know… that is not God. The God who first came to me, the God who stayed with me, and the God who will be with me for the days to come, whom I realized I known from the start, is a God who can never be found sitting on the fence, who is always full of surprises (with the occasional sense of humour), and a God who is perfect in all ways, but yet because He is perfect, I can come to Him as who I am - no extras, no self - beating, and definitely no butt - kissing.

He came to me and saved me when I have nothing; He stayed with me when I have nothing and even though I will have nothing good to offer Him for the rest of my life - nothing more, and definitely nothing less, I can always be sure He will be with me. The God I know, never expect me to do things to earn brownie points from Him (which to me, is a total nonsense), but He is a God whom I will be honoured to serve as much as I can afford just for the simple reason that He loves me. He is a God of Relationships - radical, unpredictable at times… but always constant, always faithful.

He is a God who keeps me going even when I do not expect anything in return, because I choose to serve Him out of joy. It is joyful to know that I have such a God, and to serve Him alone would be a joyful privilege as well. Of course His rewards are abundant and eternal; I know that as well as all of you, but when I began to see the bigger picture behind our relationship… I realized that all this while; I have served Him just because that to be a part of this relationship alone is heaven. I never looked at His rewards, or even have the need to think about them, because His presence alone is just what I needed. The best part? Everything else will follow after that. It comes in a package even though I did not ask for it in the first place. =)

All have been given. All provided even though we have nothing in return. If this is not grace, what else?

For three weeks I have been taking the time to know God even better and I have began to be more attentive to what He wants from me. I know, sometimes I am just stubborn and a helpless idiot. Well, I am after all… human to start with. But one thing I know, I try to listen, I try to discern, and I will do what I can afford to. Sometimes, things can go unpredictable, but God will never test me or assign me with things that are more than I am able to. I can always trust Him on this. God is good, all the time~!

…Looks like I’m done for now. If there’s anything else, I will write again in another blog post but for now, my work is finished.

The night wind passes by.

Wilson Khor Woo Han (Seymour Nightweaver)

Date: 8th June 2009

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Night Wind

The wind is awesome tonight. Gently blowing, it cools off the day’s tension and lethargy. It is a wonderful gift from God, created by His own hands.

A lot of things have happened lately. Some which God has used to shook me to the core, while others He has used to strengthen me for what future is about to unveil upon me. This is a moment of trial, and I am determined to hold on no matter what. When I have decided to embrace the truth, there is no turning back. That is how it is going to be…

Turning back to the gentle caressing wind: How nice it is if I could be like you. You are so free to roam this Earth, and your have abilities so pleasing to many people who knows how to appreciate your presence. Most importantly, there is no need for you to be bound to any form of worldly sufferings and trials. I know I am made a human by God for good reasons, but I still cannot help envying the freedom you are enjoying…

How great would it be if I am just granted your ability to travel the many places that I have been longing to go… There are so many people whom I really wished that I could meet and have a chat with them after not being able to see them for so long, who are now in places so far away from the Penang Island. Even if I have both the time and money, it would still take hours to reach even one of these places, and I certainly will not be able to go to all the places at once.

Every time I feel your presence, I will always remember all those wishes and dreams… Yes, dreams of me floating in the night sky in search of the places I wanted to go and those people whom I longed of meeting. There are so many things that I wish to tell and share with them, and there are also so many things which I also want to hear from them… Their tales, their lives, and how all of them are doing right now - all this I want to hear, all this I want to find out. There is nothing better than to meet back old friends and rekindle the flames which have long cooled off.

Therefore please… Whenever you feel the presence of the night wind blowing upon your cheeks, or when it is there to accompany you in times of sadness or loneliness, please remember me - and how much I am yearning to meet you all, dear friends. May the wind’s whispers remind you that I will constantly praying for all of you, and that even though all of you may not be able feel it, I am still cherishing our friendship. The night wind may bring no meaning or significance to most people, but it does to me. As much as it inspires and invigorates me, I hope all of you will at least remember how much I like it, and be reminded of me - as a friend (and to some of you, a brother).

Almost a week ago, I read a blog post from a senior of mine, telling of her worries and anxieties as she was taking a walk at three in the morning… I know that a huge distance is in between both of us, but if you are reading this post right now, I really would like to tell you that I care.

I cannot really imagine how late it is already, but it is still too early for me to sleep. It is still two and a half hour before 7am, and until then, I would like to spend the remaining time with my beloved Creator, Friend and Master - who has gone all the way to redeem me and to make me new again. Praise Him.


SEYMOUR NIGHTWEAVER (15th April 2008)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Nameless

The name I once had is now just a tiny fragment of my memory.

Who am I? There is no need to know the name of one who has chosen to be forsaken, forgotten and disowned by his kind. Just call me, Nameless.

I may still be breathing and my flesh still dwell within this fallen realm… but I am no longer belonged here, nor should I have any obligation to feel so. Cursed to become an ethereal being and banished into another plane of existence parallel to my realm, or so how my old kinsmen would have perceived of me through my exile when they have found out what I have done - but so be it. Perhaps this is how my life is supposed to be from now onwards, as the blood I have rejected continued to flow within my veins. I have already foreseen the dilemma and struggle that is about to come with the choice I am forced to make, but deep inside I know that my decision has never been clearer. There is no way I can ever go back to I once am in the past, and it would be a wiser choice to do it now rather than to wait for the storm to arrive.

A maverick like me is only suited to become a wandering hermit - homeless and desolate, as I am already cut - off from my own kind and heritage. My old life has been completely shattered, together with who I once was. Therefore, there is no significance for me to hold my old name any longer. I am but a new self, with a new breath of raw life. I am a stranger even to myself, and not forgetting those who has once known me before.

My past has never been as bitter as how I taste it now, but it is still something which is still not worth hating for. I blame no one for his or her ignorance, and I condemn no one for following their laws and traditions and to go against those who did not, though I still feel that all that has happened to me are still evitable if they can just open their selves and listen. Savage rage is still flowing wildly in my blood, but it is now slowly being subdued as these feelings has been separated from their sources of power. Love is what I am trying to learn right now, and even is they are to see me as a enemy, to love them would still be one of my life’s obligations. I no longer have the need for violence, nor do I have any more need to drink from the Demonic Fountain of Anger (that has once empowered me in the past) since there is no need for me to bring my hatred along with me anymore. I may be lethargic without my strength, but my heart is now in peace.

Again, I have no right to condemn, as I myself am also as condemned and pathetic as all the rest of them. How intense is the feeling of sarcasm and self - pity within me to look back at the times when I once boasted of my intellect and intelligence, but have now fallen so far from my old pride knowing that all my boastings has added up to my foolishness today. Never before I realize that to exist alone is so tiring and frustrating - not because that the lethargy is something that has to happen but it is because of the burdens each people has added unto each others’ existence, for selfish gains or not.

What life have prepared before me may seem harsh and unforgiving especially through the way I am describing it now, and it would have been that way if I have choose to forsake myself for any reason other that the one that has brought me here today. Though the path which my choice has led me may not be able to bring honour to my kin (I have no choice, as to honour them would be to deny what truth I have discovered of myself), it is one full of grace and mercy. The fog that lies ahead of me is still there unmoved, but at least I am sure that as long as I do not stray, I will eventually fulfil what I have been entrusted with on the day of my birth.

I am now facing desolation if I am to be rejected by my own (which is something I am expecting), but I have received a new family in exchange. By grace I found a new one to belong to, and it is not one that is bound by blood, but it is by spirit and the divine who watches over it. I have become a whole new person as I am welcomed into the fold, and since then I have been growing under the care of my new brothers and sisters. Even though I still need time to complete my metamorphosis from my past, I can already see old wounds slowly healing, and my strength returned - a new kind of strength which I have never seen before. But most importantly, I have found the person I am looking for all this while. I have been searching high and low for this very person… and until this very day I still could not really believe that the friend whom I have been seeking for has been so close to me right from the beginning. Nevertheless, I have found a new shelter, a new guide, and a new source of power to draw my strength from (though I am still bound to the burdens which others have place upon my life)… and with the family I am now a part of, I have found a new home to return to and rest every time I return from my wanderings.

But thinking back on what I have written here, perhaps I have been too judgemental towards my own kind as well - and it would be even better if I am wrong. They may choose to understand the reason behind the path I have taken, they may decide still choose not to relinquish our ties after all despite what have become of me… But for now, I am better off this way - with the freedom to pursue the direction I want over the course of life which has been given to me by those who have brought me into this world. I may be exiled from my land, but I am now free; though I know that my freedom has come with a great price…

Friend,

Where are your next directions? I cannot wait any longer for a new adventure. Lead the way deep into the wilderness, to where I am to fulfil my purpose and to live the glory out of my accomplishment for you. You claim that you hold the truth, so show it to me that you do. As for my identity, you know better that I am no longer who I once am (nor I have the need for it) - because I am who I am now for what you have done for me. At the same time, I also no longer have the desire to continue writing this any longer. The more time I spent writing and pondering about this, the more I felt that all the efforts that I have placed on writing these papers are useless and insignificant to me. My past has no more meaning to me.

But my future does, and faith tells me that it is going to change my life forever…

The story of this nameless wanderer has begun.

******

“I am Nameless, but not Anonymous; because my name is still a name - for I am insignificant before man, but not before the One who has redeemed me…”
Seymour Nightweaver

Monday, February 9, 2009

Message 10#

“To understand love, to know love in this century when love seemed to no longer exist in this world, one must first be humble to realize that he himself, knows nothing about love, and willing to know more about love.”

Friend,

I know that this message may make you feel a little bit awkward, especially if you find the truth that I wish to convey to you difficult to grasp and accept.

I hope that you are not offended that I wrote a letter to you as an anonymous person. This letter, though it is mainly written for your private and personal problems, is not for you alone. I believe that the message which I am about to convey is not just for you, but actually to all who reads this, to think and ponder about. I am about to talk about something which people generally seem to know about, which in truth, they know nothing about it. That is why apart from sending this letter to you; I am also posting this letter into my blog, so that everyone else may learn from this too.

I am aware that you are an unbeliever, and it is not in my position to speak or argue with you regarding to your choice of religion. I understand and respect your freedom. Though personally I admit that I believe that I am guided and inspired by Him to convey to you what He wishes to tell you, I would still be cautious not to invoke any religious confrontations between you and me, as I wish to approach you as a friend, not as an evangelist.

I am to remind you that it is your freedom not to read or stop reading this letter at any time - especially if you personally feel that you disagree with the contents of this letter, or that you feel that I am trying to convince you into embracing Christianity. Let me make this clear to you first before you start reading that you will be reading this at your very own free will. This message is not meant to impart advices, or to teach you by giving you a lengthy lecture, but it is to share with you, a very valuable testimonial about my life – for you to ponder and evaluate on your own.

If you have no hesitancy on what I am about to share with you, then I shall begin my story.

*********

Since the past few years, I’ve been in a constant but unconscious search for love – how to be lovable, how to be loved, and how to love someone, especially romantic love. I am always wondering, why my friends could get a girlfriend or boyfriend when I couldn’t. How did they do it? How can I do it? How can I ever win a girl’s heart? All this questions were puzzling to me, and to think that people can ever get married and live happily as a family, it’s even more unthinkable to my intellect. Often I think, why girls are not attracted to me, and why am I not suit to be their boyfriend.

I know my weaknesses, and I am partially aware of the expectations, of what a girl will expect from me when I become her partner. But still, I am a human, who craves for love, who hungers for affection and care. I too have a desire to be romantically loved by someone who I too can love back the same way she does to me. The bottom line is, I too, want to have a girlfriend (but of course, this desire of mine too often brought me down to despair and depression which I have suffered silently throughout these years).

Eventually, my heart turns cold towards the world. Subconsciously, I see life in this world as bleak and empty, especially when I am not just “romantically unwanted”, but I also discovered that I can’t even really get along with my own guy friends – to a point that some of them didn’t even give me the respect I deserved. I was once treated so pathetically by my own friends to a point that I didn’t even realize that my self – esteem has been severely shattered. I didn’t even realize that I was bullied, insulted and degraded by my own inner circle. I wasn’t even “human” before their eyes.


But as you know, I did get a girlfriend in the end, much to my own despair and sorrow. I was shackled by an “invisible chain” I made up myself in my subconscious mind by her demands and her constrictive thinking that she only wants the perfect “guy” to be her boyfriend. I was indeed way below her unrealistic requirements, but I was too ignorant of that fact and na├»ve at that time to realize this truth. I suffered throughout my matriculation year because of her (though I didn’t deny that she too suffered because of me), especially with all the depression and the further destruction of my self – esteem because of my own foolishness. I was lost in my own desire for someone to love me that I would throw away everything else to obtain it - which is not just obviously a certain failure, but also a self – destructive thinking.

Of course later on I did heal, thanks to my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, for their love and care, but all these were still not enough to satisfy me fully. They were still unable to give me the love I was looking for – the romantic “love” which I have seen with my own eyes around me, which I can say is rightfully mine. Even after so many months after I enter USM, I still found myself helplessly hungry for it, and I was still searching for it despite the fact that my search subconsciously only brings in more disappointments one after another. Deep inside I felt myself as unfulfilling, and there is that seeping feeling of dark hatred which I have accumulated throughout my life from my pain and sorrow.

In fact, this lack of mine isn’t just affecting me in my relationships with others, but it is also affecting me (without me knowing) spiritually. I find myself very difficult to give constant devotion to my Father, and I am aware too that noting much has changed within me since I became a Christian as I keep on sinning and doing things which I am aware are a disgrace to His name. But certainly, He is merciful, and He continued to remain with me and helped me grow, even though I am nothing but a failure to Him after have I embraced Him.

But since last week, my eyes were opened to a truth that I have never expected to realize – that I myself, knows no love. The truth that I myself know nothing about love was dreadful, and it takes humility to swallow – but the truth will continue to stand even if I deny it. It is absolute in nature.

All this while, I realized that I have been very selfish. I always wanted people to love me, but that is all that I have ever thought about. I never really loved people sincerely inside my heart. And please take note that, I am not talking about the conventional form of love which you see around you. What is taught as love by the world (or what people usually think as love) is actually not love at all (especially romantic love). I have been misguided all this while, and I hope that by sharing what I have learned from my experience that you will not stray onto the path I once trodden.

Love, as defined by the majority, does not just mean “loving” others, but love, in fact (from what I have discovered), is the basis of everything. Even all the good and moral values, such as respect, tolerance, kindness, and obedience, all are rooted from love itself. I learned that I can only truly respect others out of love and not fear, and the same goes to the other values. True respect doesn’t come with money, power, or fear, but true respect must come on its own because the people who respect that particular person love him. Then not only will it be true, but also everlasting! I can’t be truly kind to someone if love is not present, not can I give full obedience if I do not do it out of love. I won’t have been exercising punctuality either, for if I love that person who has been waiting for me so much, I wouldn’t have left him or her waiting for me any longer. Isn’t my statement true?

And if all the good and moral values are actually based on love, everything that I do, which will be moulded by these values, must also be based on love to be done properly – which also covers my romantic relationship with another person.

Loving someone romantically doesn’t just mean chocolates, dates, hugs and having the desire to love both romantically and passionately. It is about EVERYTHING. Same goes to the other kinds of love – to friends, family, others, and even to God Himself. I realized that if I truly love someone, I wouldn’t disobey him, I wouldn’t be rude to him, I wouldn’t be late for our appointments and so on. Again, it covers everything about the other person.

Often I wondered in the past the truth of 1 John 4:16 that claims that “God is Love”. Yes, it is clearly stated there the three solid words in a single sentence (in that particular verse), and now I realized that it is true after all. As love covers everything, it also means that love itself is also PERFECT and NEVER LACKING. There is not a single speck of selfishness should be found in love, or else love can never be sincere and self – sacrificing. These by itself, are the characteristics of God (But again, all these are from my religious perspective. It is up to you to accept or ignore this statement).

Certainly at first, I felt discouraged upon knowing this truth, for now I have realized that the problem does not just lie onto those who have denied me of love, but also onto my failure of not loving them as well. To truly love someone seemed so demanding, as much as for anyone to love me the same way – especially when I am talking about romance. It is so hard not to lust against your partner and not to treat them selfishly (As from what I can see now, only a thin line divides the boundaries of love and obsessive possessiveness towards the person I have feelings to). All this involve all the good and moral values and virtues which make us human, which I can conclude in the end, that love is about treating another person as a human being without degrading them even a single bit – which covers their needs of respect, space, self – expression and so on.

But friend,

That is all I can share with you for now, because I myself, are also learning on how to truly love others from this point onwards. Of course, it is also another truth that no human being is made perfect (especially in the aspect of loving others), yet I hope that you will not misinterpret this fact and become lax instead in your search for the perfect love. I truly pray that you will find this message helpful and constructive, especially in helping you know what is truly love (especially in defining your own meaning of love), to practice love, and how to recognize love when you see one.

Remember that the world is a place full of deceptions, and what you see may not be what it seems to be. Love born out of selfishness, is not love at all. It is better to be single rather than to love or be loved selfishly, but when you see true love, embrace it. I am still not in the position to really guide you in how to love others and how others should love you, as I can only share what I have really experienced in my life, but I truly hope that by reading this you will reflect and ponder upon yourself a little bit more about how your life have gone so far, and change the perspectives you have been having towards the people around you and the world in general…

And regarding to you doubting that love still exists in this world, I wish to tell you that as much I want to convince you that love still does, it is really up to you to decide whether the answer is a “Yes” or a “No”. The verdict whether you still believe in love is not decided by your eyes, but it is by your heart and faith, especially when all of us are living in this fallen world. It not about you seeing love with your eyes, but it is about you believing in love, and that you feel that love is real, will then love can become real to you. (From a Christian’s perspective, as I have previously mentioned 1 John 4:16 that “God is love”, this is also the way how we believe that God is real, because though we can’t see Him, we can feel that He is alive in us, and that we have faith that He is the living God. That is how God seem so real not just to me, but to other believers as well). And as for our personal growth, in order to become more loving, it is about us wanting and willing to love, not waiting for others to love us first then only we will love them back (which is a very selfish attitude to have).

Before I end, I wish to pray for you that you will be better equipped by reading this in searching for whatever that you wish to seek. I too pray, that God will be with you in every step, and that He will guide you in your growth and journey throughout your life. May His blessings be upon you, and may His will be done, as I finish my final sentence. Take care, friend.


With blessings and prayers,

SEYMOUR NIGHTWEAVER (9TH FEBRUARY 2009)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Not A Message, But I know I Must Post This!!!

"Being with God is always a joyful torment. When you feel fired up for Him, you can't rest, you can't stop, you just want to keep on GOING even when you are tired!!!" - Seymour Nightweaver

Father,

I know there must be a reason for me to post this right now... Alright, here goes...

Okay, brothers and sisters...

I know that it is 4am right now, and I just had a Coke overconsumption over at McD... But I am just feel so fired up that I have been writing these since three hours ago! I do not know whether all of you will agree on what I've been feeling about myself right now, but here goes... I'm not showing off or anything here, but its just... Arrrgh! I just know I must post it here! I just can't sleep thinking about it! It's a bit messy (and I can't separate them because all of them comes together in a set), but hope you all will enjoy them nevertheless!

PS: It's EXACTLY the same one I posted over at our Facebook's PKA group forum... But I just know that I must post it here too! This is the first time that I am really feeling all fired up for Father, but I am really in unrest here until I am done with my work here as well...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I JUST DON'T SMILE

I am in peace
enjoying tranquility
The early breath of dawn
or the Holy Father's presence
but people just can't see it
because I don't smile.

I am in joy
heart in warmth
Before fellowship's bonfire,
and being with everyone
but all never felt it
because I don't smile.

I am in gratitude
with overflowing love
My beloved sisters in Christ
my fellow supportive brethren
but no one noticed it
because I don't smile.

Perhaps, I'll change
let His will be done
but don't get me wrong
for depression and sorrow
those chains never bind
my face to this mask.

My lips' just too fat
so my smiles gone unnoticed
but you can still see them
straight from my heart
engraved eternally
in strokes and curves.

Flowing
from passion's creek.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SOMETIMES

Sometimes,

You see me sitting quietly
at the corner of the crowd
But I'm not isolating myself
I'm just enjoying the fellowship
and the Spirit's presence, quietly.

Sometimes,

You see me drowning in darkness
in past anguish or sorrow
But I'm just losing focus
Just knock some sense in me
and bring me back to my present.

Sometimes,

You see me depressed
helplessly paralyzed
But I'm just being forgetful
needing a reminder
to rely on God, not myself.

And sometimes,

You see me troubled
not knowing what I really wanted
But I'm just confused
caught in my complex self
a metamorphosis, in growing to soar.

I know it's hard

But I need you all
to guide me, to support me
In my search behind this mask
for the very image
of Jesus Christ.

All told to me
through the Holy Spirit...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOT ME, BUT YOU

I often stumble
I often mislead myself
because I didn't ask for strength
nor listen to Your voice.

I often confuse myself
I often deceive myself
because I am seeking my own identity
and not the one in You.

I often bind myself
I often drank my own venom
because I forgot my vine
not seeking Your Holy Spirit.

I often mess myself up
I often retrogress
because I failed to understand
it's not about me, but You!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

INSPIRED (BY THE HOLY SPIRIT)

Sitting idly,
heart in silence,
but without me knowing
it bloomed
like midnight rose
as the Spirit shine
gleaming like moonlight.

Inspired
by a strange flame
never scorching, but warm
like embracing wings
it cover me
with a burning passion
gentle, yet powerful.

I kept silent
as I hear You speak
trying to understand
decoding strange codes
that seemed so familiar
deep inside my core
and put them, on paper.

Thank You
and praise You,
Holy Spirit.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm really sorry if I am really acting like a freak or anything... I just know I must post these poems here, and I just want to let go of this burden so that I can finally retire for the night in peace. I really can't sleep right now - I'm just simply burned up and excited all over! Again, I am really really sorry.

PS: Perhaps it is all because of the unrest I am having all this time whenever I try to find the answer to my own identity... There's no such thing as my own identity, there's only my identity in Christ! My prayer has finally been answered! :D

Seymour Nightweaver (3rd December 2008)