“No one can tell how great is God’s love, when the only things we know are only from one end of this world to another…” – Seymour Nightweaver
“If I am to describe what God’s love is truly is, you will never hear a single sound other than the sound of weeping.” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
I have no idea why am I here in the cafeteria as early as 5.47 in the morning, apart from Your grace, Father. Yup, it’s not a surprise since I’ve been sleeping at 7pm+ yesterday… Perhaps You have been preparing me for this morning, knowing all that I’ve went through this weekend – all the painful and sad recollection of memories… to be written down on paper.
Father, how much I’ve forgotten about the past since I met You, and after knowing Your gracious love, Father. How much I have changed, Father, and how much I’ve healed from Your touch, Father… As true as I look back into my own reflection, in the past, I am but a beast – a savage in constant thirst for blood, trapped in the heart of an innocent boy being tormented in a poisoned and sickening world… Praise You, Father, for saving me from my dreaded nightmare, and putting me into Your nurturing and protective hands.
Honestly Father, I never have thought that today I would ever receive such grace and mercy from anyone… Especially when it comes to You. There is no one but You who is with me during hard and bitter times, and there is no one but You am I thinking of celebrating during each and every one of my happy moments. Father, it’s been a long way back since the time I first heard of Your calling. Long before I even get to know who You really are, You have already been there for me. You never cared whether am I ignorant of You or whether what I knew about You at that time are nothing but slanders… Your salvation is for all, and there’s no condemnation. Praise You, Father, for there’s no one else like You!
As I try to recollect back the events and memories on what I’ve went through all this years… I realized how much I’ve grown in Your nurturing hands. Raised in an environment where I am constantly abused and bullied by the people around me, and later on bearing my five years of high school life in denial of recognition and respect even from my own peers (and constant backstabs from my so – called close friends), my scars are numerous, a number beyond count that only You know how many are there on the surface of my flawed heart. Only my own fears and sense of inferiority from all these tortures which I have went through sustained my humanity, and that through recognizing myself as an insignificant loser and surrendering that I can only live on as a human being. That was how pathetic I was in the past, a sad and hideous creature who feds and scavenges on others’ remains and wastes. A victim of exploitation and cruel humiliation, denied from even the basic need of significance and recognition. Any anger and hatred that I bear, will be forced to be bottled up in my fear and sense of inferiority, and thrown away into a cauldron where a consuming fire of vengeance and grudges is expected to destroy them. People might see this as a form of amusement – the act of bullying and insulting a person who they think is inferior to them, or different, but wait till they are treated the same way and anyone could see how much they resented and retaliated against such actions! And even if I did retaliate in the past, if I ever get mad and raised my fists against them, will I ever win? None of my friends will ever dare to approach me if that happens, and the law itself will decide upon my ruin. But is it ever correct for me to be treated like this in the beginning? Is it ever correct for me to be treated less than a human? The laws that upheld justice in this world, the goodness of the human race, the power of humanity… Any humans will have pride in all this, but when You have been placed into the picture, all these are nothing but smoke before Your glory and greatness – realizing that anything that we have done is actually nothing in value. If these laws, these goodness and humanity… if these human made values and things are truly good, why don’t they protect me from my torments in the past? Why don’t they offer me a shelter from my torturers? Why don’t they provide a sanctuary for me to experience peace, security and comfort? Only You are truly good, O’ Father. Only You can uphold the goodness that is left in this world, Father… For I know who is the one who has saved me from me turmoil, who has healed me from my wounds, who has cared for me with love and kindness so unconditional, and accepted me as His own son… What You have done for me was indeed more that I asked for. I asked for mere justice, and You gave me more than that. With Your presence I receive love, security, peace, strength, comfort, mercy, grace, kindness… and even healing, and a new breath of life.
Father,
You are the only one that can make me cry for You every time when I think of Your goodness – a beast once so horrid, lost and abandoned, filled with hatred and vengeance, now found refuge in Your hands, and pouring itself out on Your bosom, crying and weeping because of Your grace and mercy, of Your promises and covenant of love You have kept ready for me long before I came unto this Earth… I asked for an avenger, and instead, I found myself a Father – a Father so loving that I am willing to give myself to You. A Father so loving that I am willing to rip and tear myself off of my old self, of my old hatred, pain and vengeance. A Father who found so much delight in me as a son, that You have placed me, a once wretched ghoul, thirsty for blood and vengeance, among Your own blessed people! What have I done to deserve all this from You? Nothing! Nothing was the simple reply, and yet, this is all You have done for me… Praise You, Father – that is all I can say, that is all I can do for You, for I have nothing else that I can give or do for You, for the freedom, home and eternal life You have given me… I am nothing before You – a fact that I can never deny, though I am indeed in joy, for all that I wanted and needed, if found within Your giving hands. There is no better heaven than to know, that You will always be with me wherever I go and whenever time of the day I can always feel Your presence – with You heaven is everywhere, and with You every moment is joy. Who else can ever replace You in my life…
Father,
How could I ever thank You enough for all You have done to me, how could I repay the debt that I owed You throughout my life. What could I have done without this Heavenly Father by my side, and how could I ever imagine of living this life of mine on Earth for even a single day without You? How can I never adore You for the rest of my life, how can I never stop praising You for all You have done in my life? What You have done to me may be meagre to Your ability, but what it is there for me to even deserve a smallest bit of them? Father, thank You for all that You have provided me until this very day, praise You, Lord, for Your grace and mercy. Praise You, Lord, for what You have done in my life, and in the lives of my fellow brethrens, as You provide us all with our needed provisions, and our strength for each coming day. Thank You, Lord, for being our Shepherd, the one we can trust and rely on, in times of despair, and I pray to You, Father, that You will always be with us for the days to come, may Your blessings be abundant, may Your love be overflowing. I praise You again, Father, praise You for everything that is from You, and may Your will be done, in the name of Your glory…
Thank You Father for everything that You have given me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (21st October 2008)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Message 2#
Message 2#
“How I envied the blind. They may be blind to the beauty of the world, but they have showed to me how blind I am to the beauty of God.” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
I truly have not noticed how inferior and ignorant I am before I stepped into the St. Nicholas Welfare Home this morning… It was the home for the disable and the abandoned, and despite at first, I was feeling pity for them for their disabilities and lacks in their lives compared to the rest of us, it was not long before I realized that I might have been wrong from right the beginning.
I realized it now, Father that, though it was indeed through You that they are living their lives today with physical disabilities, all of these have been done for Your purpose and glory … It is true that people often see such physical disabilities as not much different as a curse, but on this very day I might have to reconsider my perspective on them. Their eyes may not be able to see every colour or beauty that is in this world, but ironically we are actually far blinder than them although we are blessed with perfect eyesight. I realized that there are so many things that we are so blinded to, while they are not. They appreciate and give gratitude to even the tiniest and smallest acts of love and care that they received, which we usually overlook in our lives. They understood the true meaning of perseverance, and they kept on living their lives regardless of their hardships and bitterness, when most of us would have groaned, sighed, gave up, or worse, stupidly took the “easy way out” when things seemed to be out of control. They were humble, so humble to a point we realized how blind we are in terms of our humility, but most importantly, they have shown us (or at least me) how blind we are to the fact that how blind we actually are to You.
Often, we see and judge (or perceive) Your actions as good or bad to us, or whether it is a curse or a blessing to us from a worldly point of view , or the unbelievers’ point of view, and not from the point of view which we Christians are supposed to look from. Indeed, only unbelievers can have such perspectives for their Gods because as what I have realized from all the studies and reflections upon Your words, it all comes back to the main difference that make us Christians stand out from the rest – Christianity is not just a religion, but also it is also an intimate relationship we share with You. Worship has never been something that all of us are compelled to do, because we do not worship or sing praises for You to obtain blessings, favour, or any forms of benefits from You, but all these was done, because just for the pure reason to worship and praise You for what You have given and blessed us with, and for the presence of a living God (You) in our lives. Your grace, mercy, unconditional love and Your salvation, isn’t that something that all of us have received already, something that far exceeds our needs in this material world, the blessings of all blessings and the greatest love of all there is of its kind? I realized that we as Your children often forgot that You are our best provider who always knows what’s best for each of us, mainly also because You know each of us very well as You are our creator, and because of this, You will always provide the best for all of us in our lives, and that You are the only one in our lives that matters for You are the steer, the guide and the master of our lives. We often forget that whatever strengths and weaknesses we have, whatever privileges or disabilities we have or whatever gains or lacks that we have, all of them, each and every one of them, is given (or happens) to us for Your best purposes, glory and plans that You have prepared specifically for each and everyone of us. It is us who are unfaithful, that we forgot about all this, which became the reason that we have seen You with such a worldly perception. We never worshipped or praised You just to get salvation or anything else from You in the age of the New Testament anymore. There’s no such rubbish as booty – licking in Christianity, especially when it concerns You. The only work that we need to do is not to do good works for Your salvation, but it is to work out the salvation that You have given us. Therefore, since we already know all these knowledge through Your work, then why should we looked at You in such a worldly and unfaithful manner? How can we compare You with the Gods of the unbelievers? Please forgive us for all of our sins that we have to done to You, o’ gracious and merciful Father!
But praise You, Father, for because of all Your goodness, Your grace upon us who are in fact, unworthy for it, that we can live in a celebration in every single day of our lives, knowing that our loving Father will always be with us at all times. We celebrate, for Your presence brings security, warmth, love, care, fullness, and many more that can be thought of. Praise You, Father, for You are above all the other Gods and idols of the unbelievers, that none of their followers can ever share such an intimate relationship that all of us have shared with You, our living God, in our renewed life in Your Son. Father, praise You for You have saved us from our sinful lives and gave us a renewed life within You. Praise You, Father, for filling the emptiness that is in our hearts, and for satisfying our hunger for You, Father. Thank You Father, for Your unconditional love, grace and mercy that has been with all of us all these while, for being our pillar, our beacon, our provider and our shepherd who would lay his life for us in times of need…
Father, how I wished I could repay my gratitude to You, but I know, there is nothing that I can give will be equal in value to the grace and mercy You have given me. I could still remember vividly how You have came into my life years before I get to know You and Your Son, and how You have shown me Your unconditional love even when I was still a much filthier trash than I am now today. I know that I am still not much of a trash as like in the past – I am still full of crap, I still swears, I am still the super blur person I was in the past (perhaps it has gotten worse…), my temper is still hot enough to burn down a building (that is, if I got a lighter in my hands)… But at least with You by my side, with Your presence in my life, I will always know that there’s someone who cares for me in my life, someone who loves me, and someone who can make me feel secure, peace, and comfort no one else can ever give. Praise You, Father for despite my filth and weaknesses as I stood before You, You still accepted me as Your children, as a part of Your family, and as a part of Your kingdom. Father, thank You for still seeing me as of something that is still in value even after all the unforgivable sins that I have done to You, and for redeeming me who is worthy of eternal condemnation. Thank You, Father, and praise You, Father for providing me with a purpose for my life, and for giving me the privilege to serve You in Your plans, and to be a light bearer of Your love in this world of darkness, no matter how dim or feeble I was in carrying Your cause.
As much as I am tormented by the people of my past, as much as I am cherished and nurtured today in Your hands, Father. As much as I am casted aside and despised by my own kind in my earlier days, as much I have now received Your acceptance and love today by Your embrace. Despite that I am still just a piece of rubbish lying in one corner of this universe, You have still came to me, and placed some worth and value within me. Now I began to understand that those things that have happened in my past have been done for Your purpose, and nothing else. As You opened my eyes to You, I now see that I was weak in the past so that I will appreciate strength, I am despised so that I will appreciate love, and that I was placed among the lost so that I will appreciate guidance, all of them which I have received from You today, my unfailing companion, my shepherd, my Father~!
Father,
Thank You, o’ Father, for opening my eyes to Your glory and Your beauty today so that I can learn to see the truth behind Your ways. Father, thank You for all the provisions You have given me so far, and I pray to You, Father, that You will always keep on providing them, not just for me Father, but also to those who has a share with me in bringing up Your cause in this world. I pray to You Father, that You will always remain with me in my heart o’ Father. Forgive me of my sins, Father. And may Your will be done today in this post o’ Father. Thank You for all the things that Your have given and done in my life. I praise You Lord, and I exalt You, for everything that You have done for us, and for who You really are in our lives. Father, may You provide me strength for the days to come. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
John 9: 41 - If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.
Seymour Nightweaver (12th October 2008)
“How I envied the blind. They may be blind to the beauty of the world, but they have showed to me how blind I am to the beauty of God.” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
I truly have not noticed how inferior and ignorant I am before I stepped into the St. Nicholas Welfare Home this morning… It was the home for the disable and the abandoned, and despite at first, I was feeling pity for them for their disabilities and lacks in their lives compared to the rest of us, it was not long before I realized that I might have been wrong from right the beginning.
I realized it now, Father that, though it was indeed through You that they are living their lives today with physical disabilities, all of these have been done for Your purpose and glory … It is true that people often see such physical disabilities as not much different as a curse, but on this very day I might have to reconsider my perspective on them. Their eyes may not be able to see every colour or beauty that is in this world, but ironically we are actually far blinder than them although we are blessed with perfect eyesight. I realized that there are so many things that we are so blinded to, while they are not. They appreciate and give gratitude to even the tiniest and smallest acts of love and care that they received, which we usually overlook in our lives. They understood the true meaning of perseverance, and they kept on living their lives regardless of their hardships and bitterness, when most of us would have groaned, sighed, gave up, or worse, stupidly took the “easy way out” when things seemed to be out of control. They were humble, so humble to a point we realized how blind we are in terms of our humility, but most importantly, they have shown us (or at least me) how blind we are to the fact that how blind we actually are to You.
Often, we see and judge (or perceive) Your actions as good or bad to us, or whether it is a curse or a blessing to us from a worldly point of view , or the unbelievers’ point of view, and not from the point of view which we Christians are supposed to look from. Indeed, only unbelievers can have such perspectives for their Gods because as what I have realized from all the studies and reflections upon Your words, it all comes back to the main difference that make us Christians stand out from the rest – Christianity is not just a religion, but also it is also an intimate relationship we share with You. Worship has never been something that all of us are compelled to do, because we do not worship or sing praises for You to obtain blessings, favour, or any forms of benefits from You, but all these was done, because just for the pure reason to worship and praise You for what You have given and blessed us with, and for the presence of a living God (You) in our lives. Your grace, mercy, unconditional love and Your salvation, isn’t that something that all of us have received already, something that far exceeds our needs in this material world, the blessings of all blessings and the greatest love of all there is of its kind? I realized that we as Your children often forgot that You are our best provider who always knows what’s best for each of us, mainly also because You know each of us very well as You are our creator, and because of this, You will always provide the best for all of us in our lives, and that You are the only one in our lives that matters for You are the steer, the guide and the master of our lives. We often forget that whatever strengths and weaknesses we have, whatever privileges or disabilities we have or whatever gains or lacks that we have, all of them, each and every one of them, is given (or happens) to us for Your best purposes, glory and plans that You have prepared specifically for each and everyone of us. It is us who are unfaithful, that we forgot about all this, which became the reason that we have seen You with such a worldly perception. We never worshipped or praised You just to get salvation or anything else from You in the age of the New Testament anymore. There’s no such rubbish as booty – licking in Christianity, especially when it concerns You. The only work that we need to do is not to do good works for Your salvation, but it is to work out the salvation that You have given us. Therefore, since we already know all these knowledge through Your work, then why should we looked at You in such a worldly and unfaithful manner? How can we compare You with the Gods of the unbelievers? Please forgive us for all of our sins that we have to done to You, o’ gracious and merciful Father!
But praise You, Father, for because of all Your goodness, Your grace upon us who are in fact, unworthy for it, that we can live in a celebration in every single day of our lives, knowing that our loving Father will always be with us at all times. We celebrate, for Your presence brings security, warmth, love, care, fullness, and many more that can be thought of. Praise You, Father, for You are above all the other Gods and idols of the unbelievers, that none of their followers can ever share such an intimate relationship that all of us have shared with You, our living God, in our renewed life in Your Son. Father, praise You for You have saved us from our sinful lives and gave us a renewed life within You. Praise You, Father, for filling the emptiness that is in our hearts, and for satisfying our hunger for You, Father. Thank You Father, for Your unconditional love, grace and mercy that has been with all of us all these while, for being our pillar, our beacon, our provider and our shepherd who would lay his life for us in times of need…
Father, how I wished I could repay my gratitude to You, but I know, there is nothing that I can give will be equal in value to the grace and mercy You have given me. I could still remember vividly how You have came into my life years before I get to know You and Your Son, and how You have shown me Your unconditional love even when I was still a much filthier trash than I am now today. I know that I am still not much of a trash as like in the past – I am still full of crap, I still swears, I am still the super blur person I was in the past (perhaps it has gotten worse…), my temper is still hot enough to burn down a building (that is, if I got a lighter in my hands)… But at least with You by my side, with Your presence in my life, I will always know that there’s someone who cares for me in my life, someone who loves me, and someone who can make me feel secure, peace, and comfort no one else can ever give. Praise You, Father for despite my filth and weaknesses as I stood before You, You still accepted me as Your children, as a part of Your family, and as a part of Your kingdom. Father, thank You for still seeing me as of something that is still in value even after all the unforgivable sins that I have done to You, and for redeeming me who is worthy of eternal condemnation. Thank You, Father, and praise You, Father for providing me with a purpose for my life, and for giving me the privilege to serve You in Your plans, and to be a light bearer of Your love in this world of darkness, no matter how dim or feeble I was in carrying Your cause.
As much as I am tormented by the people of my past, as much as I am cherished and nurtured today in Your hands, Father. As much as I am casted aside and despised by my own kind in my earlier days, as much I have now received Your acceptance and love today by Your embrace. Despite that I am still just a piece of rubbish lying in one corner of this universe, You have still came to me, and placed some worth and value within me. Now I began to understand that those things that have happened in my past have been done for Your purpose, and nothing else. As You opened my eyes to You, I now see that I was weak in the past so that I will appreciate strength, I am despised so that I will appreciate love, and that I was placed among the lost so that I will appreciate guidance, all of them which I have received from You today, my unfailing companion, my shepherd, my Father~!
Father,
Thank You, o’ Father, for opening my eyes to Your glory and Your beauty today so that I can learn to see the truth behind Your ways. Father, thank You for all the provisions You have given me so far, and I pray to You, Father, that You will always keep on providing them, not just for me Father, but also to those who has a share with me in bringing up Your cause in this world. I pray to You Father, that You will always remain with me in my heart o’ Father. Forgive me of my sins, Father. And may Your will be done today in this post o’ Father. Thank You for all the things that Your have given and done in my life. I praise You Lord, and I exalt You, for everything that You have done for us, and for who You really are in our lives. Father, may You provide me strength for the days to come. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
John 9: 41 - If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.
Seymour Nightweaver (12th October 2008)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Message 1#
Message 1#
“From the heaps of rubbish I was once found. Now I stand among you all, mended and polished, by Your hands of Hope…” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
I do not know why I am giving myself a new life in this long – abandoned world of blogging, but I am very sure that for whatever reasons this was done, it would be all for You and Your purpose, and for this, I pray that Your will shall be done.
It has been a long while since I have lost my passion in blogging… Feels kind of awkward to be honest, but I know, I believe and I’m sure, that this passion of mine are rekindled for a purpose. And of course, a lot of things have changed ever since I stopped posting my so – called records on my daily lives in the net more than a year ago, and now with Father in the picture, things are getting even more interesting… I am now in USM (Penang), studying for my Degree in ELLS (English Language and Literature Studies) and taking Philosophy and Civilization Studies as my minor. Praise You, Father for the path You have given me to take has been what I have been hoping for, and thank You, Father, for giving me the opportunity and privilege which I am enjoying now, which is to be able to find rest in You in the midst of hardships and difficulties, knowing that You are always by my side in every step I make and that You will always remain faithful to me even when I have failed Your expectations countless times.
From the void realm of ignorance You have found and saved me, from my tainted past You have moulded me, and despite my corrupted shadows, You have raised me, Father, into who I am today… Though I am still not strong enough to face the powerful currents of the world I know You want me to swim against, but I am definitely stronger, tougher, and better then my past, and I have never stopped growing even until this very moment…
And Father, now I already know that You have also placed me among with a group of people that I have never seen before so blessed by You in my entire life, despite the fact that I have always been scorned and cast aside like rubbish by my own kind in the past. I have been once so hurt by the people around me so much that I have lost count of the number of scars that I have in my heart, but since the past three months I have been enjoying wonderful fellowships and nurtured by the wonderful people around me under Your shade and care, and I know that these brothers and sisters of mine truly cared for me, and they have always been praying for me before You, o’ Father, as much (perhaps, far more than me) as I did before You for them. Although I am still not really sure why (or for what logical reason, though I know that what may be logical to Your divine wisdom may be in fact, beyond my meagre so – called human intellect…) such a lowly being like me have been chosen to be sent here by You to be their friend, but I know that You have sent me here to be with them for a reason, apart then to grow with them spiritually for the next three years of my life. I know I am still guessing (and honestly, lately I discovered that I find the guessing game rather amusing, especially when it involves the planning of an enigmatic mastermind genius like You, Father…), but occasionally I can sense that some of them are actually wrestling and struggling with problems of their own, and I am even more intrigued by what can a trash like me could do to help them… Perhaps Sharon has provided me with the answer for this question of mine minutes ago, but Heavenly Father, You know that just by being with them, supporting them and by telling and ensuring them that whatever happens, I will always be by their sides is not enough. Certainly as a person who is aware of his own shortcomings and mediocrities, I know there is nothing much that I can do for them (in fact, I am also aware that there are still a lot of my friends here whom I don’t know are having problems of their own– I can sensed that, but they have hid their problems well from me…), but I know You can, Father… In fact, only You are the one that can lighten their burdens, and calm me from this unrest. The problems are theirs to carry, but outsider or not, trash or not, I am still their friend, and their unrest and restlessness are mine to share as well.
So to my Heavenly Lord and Father, I pray on behalf of my fellow brothers and sisters (especially for Sharon and Genevie, whom I know are facing difficulties of their own, and not forgetting Lydia as well) that all of them will be provided by Your hands the provisions they needed in facing their daily ordeals, Father, and they can always find rest in You as they seek You when they are tired and weary. Refill their cups of vigour with renewed spirit every time as they pray to You, O’ Father, and may their hardships and burdens lighten by their faith in You…
To my readers, I am aware that I should have been more discreet about this kind of things, but again, anything here is not for the sake of publicity or attention. I have no intention or desire for any kind of this rubbish, but perhaps by typing this out I can make you all (readers) reflect upon my message on what’s really going in your own life (apart from knowing that a piece of trash like me already have too much rubbish inside to add in some more…). Certainly Father has sent you all to be friends with the people around you for a reason, even for me whom until today I still think of myself as a lousy piece of rubbish (or at least a piece of God – recycled rubbish), and from all that I have typed out here I can already see the message which my Father has intended to impart to everyone. As to my beloved brothers and sisters who have come across this message, I just want to take this opportunity to tell you that trash or not, I am with you in all circumstances, and that I will always be praying for you all. Thank you for your care and friendship for the past three months, and that I am touched by your kindness and graciousness. Truly, I have never had before so many wonderful friends at one time in my life before entering USM, And may our fellowship continue to grow and flourish for the time to come.
Father,
I think that’s all I have to say for this message to You (and also for the readers). I have done with my work and I leave to rest now to You. It is not really for myself that I start blogging again anyway… So I shall end this post with a simple prayer for whatever plans You may have in mind for this blog, I pray that may Your will be done. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (6th October 2008)
“From the heaps of rubbish I was once found. Now I stand among you all, mended and polished, by Your hands of Hope…” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
I do not know why I am giving myself a new life in this long – abandoned world of blogging, but I am very sure that for whatever reasons this was done, it would be all for You and Your purpose, and for this, I pray that Your will shall be done.
It has been a long while since I have lost my passion in blogging… Feels kind of awkward to be honest, but I know, I believe and I’m sure, that this passion of mine are rekindled for a purpose. And of course, a lot of things have changed ever since I stopped posting my so – called records on my daily lives in the net more than a year ago, and now with Father in the picture, things are getting even more interesting… I am now in USM (Penang), studying for my Degree in ELLS (English Language and Literature Studies) and taking Philosophy and Civilization Studies as my minor. Praise You, Father for the path You have given me to take has been what I have been hoping for, and thank You, Father, for giving me the opportunity and privilege which I am enjoying now, which is to be able to find rest in You in the midst of hardships and difficulties, knowing that You are always by my side in every step I make and that You will always remain faithful to me even when I have failed Your expectations countless times.
From the void realm of ignorance You have found and saved me, from my tainted past You have moulded me, and despite my corrupted shadows, You have raised me, Father, into who I am today… Though I am still not strong enough to face the powerful currents of the world I know You want me to swim against, but I am definitely stronger, tougher, and better then my past, and I have never stopped growing even until this very moment…
And Father, now I already know that You have also placed me among with a group of people that I have never seen before so blessed by You in my entire life, despite the fact that I have always been scorned and cast aside like rubbish by my own kind in the past. I have been once so hurt by the people around me so much that I have lost count of the number of scars that I have in my heart, but since the past three months I have been enjoying wonderful fellowships and nurtured by the wonderful people around me under Your shade and care, and I know that these brothers and sisters of mine truly cared for me, and they have always been praying for me before You, o’ Father, as much (perhaps, far more than me) as I did before You for them. Although I am still not really sure why (or for what logical reason, though I know that what may be logical to Your divine wisdom may be in fact, beyond my meagre so – called human intellect…) such a lowly being like me have been chosen to be sent here by You to be their friend, but I know that You have sent me here to be with them for a reason, apart then to grow with them spiritually for the next three years of my life. I know I am still guessing (and honestly, lately I discovered that I find the guessing game rather amusing, especially when it involves the planning of an enigmatic mastermind genius like You, Father…), but occasionally I can sense that some of them are actually wrestling and struggling with problems of their own, and I am even more intrigued by what can a trash like me could do to help them… Perhaps Sharon has provided me with the answer for this question of mine minutes ago, but Heavenly Father, You know that just by being with them, supporting them and by telling and ensuring them that whatever happens, I will always be by their sides is not enough. Certainly as a person who is aware of his own shortcomings and mediocrities, I know there is nothing much that I can do for them (in fact, I am also aware that there are still a lot of my friends here whom I don’t know are having problems of their own– I can sensed that, but they have hid their problems well from me…), but I know You can, Father… In fact, only You are the one that can lighten their burdens, and calm me from this unrest. The problems are theirs to carry, but outsider or not, trash or not, I am still their friend, and their unrest and restlessness are mine to share as well.
So to my Heavenly Lord and Father, I pray on behalf of my fellow brothers and sisters (especially for Sharon and Genevie, whom I know are facing difficulties of their own, and not forgetting Lydia as well) that all of them will be provided by Your hands the provisions they needed in facing their daily ordeals, Father, and they can always find rest in You as they seek You when they are tired and weary. Refill their cups of vigour with renewed spirit every time as they pray to You, O’ Father, and may their hardships and burdens lighten by their faith in You…
To my readers, I am aware that I should have been more discreet about this kind of things, but again, anything here is not for the sake of publicity or attention. I have no intention or desire for any kind of this rubbish, but perhaps by typing this out I can make you all (readers) reflect upon my message on what’s really going in your own life (apart from knowing that a piece of trash like me already have too much rubbish inside to add in some more…). Certainly Father has sent you all to be friends with the people around you for a reason, even for me whom until today I still think of myself as a lousy piece of rubbish (or at least a piece of God – recycled rubbish), and from all that I have typed out here I can already see the message which my Father has intended to impart to everyone. As to my beloved brothers and sisters who have come across this message, I just want to take this opportunity to tell you that trash or not, I am with you in all circumstances, and that I will always be praying for you all. Thank you for your care and friendship for the past three months, and that I am touched by your kindness and graciousness. Truly, I have never had before so many wonderful friends at one time in my life before entering USM, And may our fellowship continue to grow and flourish for the time to come.
Father,
I think that’s all I have to say for this message to You (and also for the readers). I have done with my work and I leave to rest now to You. It is not really for myself that I start blogging again anyway… So I shall end this post with a simple prayer for whatever plans You may have in mind for this blog, I pray that may Your will be done. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (6th October 2008)
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