Message 6#

“One thing which I have learnt about being a human is that it is far much better to think of myself as a lowly being rather than to think of myself as someone superior.” – Seymour Nightweaver

Father,

I do not know why did I gave such a quote for this post, as it is quite irrelevant compared to what I wish to say here… Perhaps it is You who feels that this is a better choice (Oh well, we’ll found out the relevance when I finish typing this post…).

Father, all this while I have realized (Thanks to Pastor Sam for last weeks’ sermon. And of course, thank You, for always knowing what I needed most, and for always making sure that I will always receive the best from Your care…) that there is something wrong about our relationship… Even as I looked over the previous posts in this blog alone, I realized that I only involve You in certain parts of my life, such as my spiritual growth, my walk with You, my new life in Christ etc., everything that is in the Christianity context…. I never really made Jesus my personal Lord and Saviour, for I never really placed Your Son to be in charge of my whole everyday life… Perhaps I still do not know who You really are yet, perhaps I am still ignorant to this wonderful Heavenly Father of mine…

Often I forget, that You do not require me to approach You with a “formal holy” attitude. You do not expect me to come to Your altar as someone who is fully sacred and anointed. I often forget how I approached You in the past when I was still full of filth and dirt, and how ignorant am I of them at that time! And yet, Your doors are still open for me to seek Your presence, and You still welcome me into Your nurturing hands… Often I “disconnect” from You every time knowing that I have stumbled in my walk with You, and how I’ve isolated myself from You knowing that I have done a very disgraceful sin before Your eyes…

I remembered You’ve reminded me before of Hebrews 10:26-27 and 10:38… How I was filled in fear and cowered before Your words at that moment. Of course, now I know that it is just a reminder, and that I now know what You are trying to tell me (perhaps). I know that You are loving and forgiving, but for sure I wouldn’t want to end up as in Hebrews 10:31… I can’t imagine how dreadful it would be it that really happens. Even if my body don’t shiver, my heart trembles with unrest…

Now I have already realized what You want to tell me about our relationship, which also brings back to my third previous conversation between Bau and me… You have been telling me that back then didn’t You? Forgive me, Father for though I did had a little grasp of Your words, but I didn’t took the initiative to reflect properly on it, nor did I have the sensitivity to feel its importance… Looks like I still have a whole lot of things to learn about us! Alright, I know that You want me to take it easy. You do not want me to wear myself out in this relationship of ours. I can hear that from Your whispers deep in my heart’s core. Thanks for Your wonderful care and love on me. Praise You, Father.

How much have I wondered on how You could have worked Your miracles on others as You renew them and release them from their past bondage with sin… Pastor Sam is right. You ARE able to do so, and You can even do it on me. It is me who doubts, it is me who did not let You do Your job for I did not surrender everything to You. I did not really made Your Son as my true personal Lord and Saviour. He may be governing over some aspects of my life, but I can see clearly now that He is still not in control of all of them because of my own reluctance. I am still sinning for I am still unwilling to surrender myself to Jesus this area of my life… You are truly both the God of The Mountains and the God of The Valleys. How last Sunday’s sermon has gave me a new perspective on our relationship…

But Father, to think that You could be such a living God, who is not just patient and loving, but also patient and nurturing to this worthless servant of Yours, I am totally speechless. Up to today even after I have became a Christian, I know that I am still a disgrace to You for I am still sinning before Your eyes, yet You are still here for me. You are still whispering and guiding me from time to time… As low as I could be, You too stooped that low so that You could always be by side. Father, You accepted me even though I am lacking, and You still gave me Your Love and Grace to the fullest even when You know I will stumble before Your eyes again. I know You can’t tolerate imperfection and uncleanness, but You are still telling me to take my time, and You are still with me throughout the journey… Perhaps You have already made me clean by the sacrificial blood of Christ. Perhaps that was the reason then…

Still, that doesn’t mean that I’m still off the hook. I may have been forgiven, but I am still not free from my bondage of sin. I have also realized right now, that the conversation with Bau was not the only time You were trying to convey me Your message… You have been doing it all this while and You have been waiting for me with open hands every time… You know how hesitant I was when I am in church knowing how much I have sinned to You even after becoming a Christian. You know who bad I felt every time I reflect and examine myself before going before You… You know me well, but it is me who do not know You for who You really are… I still have lots to learn about You, Father… I still have lots lore to learn…

But Father, as weak I may be, as unclean I may be, my intentions are sincere. I wish to enjoy a wonderful relationship with You, O’ Father. I wish to be a real Christian… Father, please liberate me from my darkness. Please be here for me always Father, or provide me with the strength so that I will always remember to draw my strength from You (As in truth, You have always been there for me. It is me who shut You off…) so that I will not fall again into darkness. I do not want to go back there again…

Father,

I commit my whole life to You, O’ Lord, and to Your Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to be my personal Lord and Saviour… Father, I pray to You this morning, not because of something that I have to do, for You have never forced me to do anything but instead You have gave me the freedom to choose, but it is because of something that I want to do for You. I know that everything that is in this world is nothing compare to You, and that there is nothing better in my life than to enjoy Your presence and joy (which will be my strength) in each and every day of my life… Father, I also wish to pray to You for another matter, which is to be more intimate with You in our personal relationship, for I feel that we are still lacking in that field, especially in sharing my daily life with You… I pray that Your presence will be there in whatever I do, from my church and social life to even my most private activities and matters, so that You will be in control of everything which I do. I pray to You this morning, O’ Father, for I love You with all my heart and soul, and knowing that, Father, You are the God of The Mountains and the God of The Valleys who will always be with me no matter how high or low I am – and that Your power, ability and victory will always know no boundary… Thank You Lord, for Your presence in my life, Father. Thanks You for Your Love, Grace, and Mercy. Thank You for everything, and may Your will be done. In Jesus’ most precious and almighty name I pray. Amen.


Seymour Nightweaver (12th November 2008)