“To understand love, to know love in this century when love seemed to no longer exist in this world, one must first be humble to realize that he himself, knows nothing about love, and willing to know more about love.”
Friend,
I know that this message may make you feel a little bit awkward, especially if you find the truth that I wish to convey to you difficult to grasp and accept.
I hope that you are not offended that I wrote a letter to you as an anonymous person. This letter, though it is mainly written for your private and personal problems, is not for you alone. I believe that the message which I am about to convey is not just for you, but actually to all who reads this, to think and ponder about. I am about to talk about something which people generally seem to know about, which in truth, they know nothing about it. That is why apart from sending this letter to you; I am also posting this letter into my blog, so that everyone else may learn from this too.
I am aware that you are an unbeliever, and it is not in my position to speak or argue with you regarding to your choice of religion. I understand and respect your freedom. Though personally I admit that I believe that I am guided and inspired by Him to convey to you what He wishes to tell you, I would still be cautious not to invoke any religious confrontations between you and me, as I wish to approach you as a friend, not as an evangelist.
I am to remind you that it is your freedom not to read or stop reading this letter at any time - especially if you personally feel that you disagree with the contents of this letter, or that you feel that I am trying to convince you into embracing Christianity. Let me make this clear to you first before you start reading that you will be reading this at your very own free will. This message is not meant to impart advices, or to teach you by giving you a lengthy lecture, but it is to share with you, a very valuable testimonial about my life – for you to ponder and evaluate on your own.
If you have no hesitancy on what I am about to share with you, then I shall begin my story.
*********
Since the past few years, I’ve been in a constant but unconscious search for love – how to be lovable, how to be loved, and how to love someone, especially romantic love. I am always wondering, why my friends could get a girlfriend or boyfriend when I couldn’t. How did they do it? How can I do it? How can I ever win a girl’s heart? All this questions were puzzling to me, and to think that people can ever get married and live happily as a family, it’s even more unthinkable to my intellect. Often I think, why girls are not attracted to me, and why am I not suit to be their boyfriend.
I know my weaknesses, and I am partially aware of the expectations, of what a girl will expect from me when I become her partner. But still, I am a human, who craves for love, who hungers for affection and care. I too have a desire to be romantically loved by someone who I too can love back the same way she does to me. The bottom line is, I too, want to have a girlfriend (but of course, this desire of mine too often brought me down to despair and depression which I have suffered silently throughout these years).
Eventually, my heart turns cold towards the world. Subconsciously, I see life in this world as bleak and empty, especially when I am not just “romantically unwanted”, but I also discovered that I can’t even really get along with my own guy friends – to a point that some of them didn’t even give me the respect I deserved. I was once treated so pathetically by my own friends to a point that I didn’t even realize that my self – esteem has been severely shattered. I didn’t even realize that I was bullied, insulted and degraded by my own inner circle. I wasn’t even “human” before their eyes.
But as you know, I did get a girlfriend in the end, much to my own despair and sorrow. I was shackled by an “invisible chain” I made up myself in my subconscious mind by her demands and her constrictive thinking that she only wants the perfect “guy” to be her boyfriend. I was indeed way below her unrealistic requirements, but I was too ignorant of that fact and naïve at that time to realize this truth. I suffered throughout my matriculation year because of her (though I didn’t deny that she too suffered because of me), especially with all the depression and the further destruction of my self – esteem because of my own foolishness. I was lost in my own desire for someone to love me that I would throw away everything else to obtain it - which is not just obviously a certain failure, but also a self – destructive thinking.
Of course later on I did heal, thanks to my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, for their love and care, but all these were still not enough to satisfy me fully. They were still unable to give me the love I was looking for – the romantic “love” which I have seen with my own eyes around me, which I can say is rightfully mine. Even after so many months after I enter USM, I still found myself helplessly hungry for it, and I was still searching for it despite the fact that my search subconsciously only brings in more disappointments one after another. Deep inside I felt myself as unfulfilling, and there is that seeping feeling of dark hatred which I have accumulated throughout my life from my pain and sorrow.
In fact, this lack of mine isn’t just affecting me in my relationships with others, but it is also affecting me (without me knowing) spiritually. I find myself very difficult to give constant devotion to my Father, and I am aware too that noting much has changed within me since I became a Christian as I keep on sinning and doing things which I am aware are a disgrace to His name. But certainly, He is merciful, and He continued to remain with me and helped me grow, even though I am nothing but a failure to Him after have I embraced Him.
But since last week, my eyes were opened to a truth that I have never expected to realize – that I myself, knows no love. The truth that I myself know nothing about love was dreadful, and it takes humility to swallow – but the truth will continue to stand even if I deny it. It is absolute in nature.
All this while, I realized that I have been very selfish. I always wanted people to love me, but that is all that I have ever thought about. I never really loved people sincerely inside my heart. And please take note that, I am not talking about the conventional form of love which you see around you. What is taught as love by the world (or what people usually think as love) is actually not love at all (especially romantic love). I have been misguided all this while, and I hope that by sharing what I have learned from my experience that you will not stray onto the path I once trodden.
Love, as defined by the majority, does not just mean “loving” others, but love, in fact (from what I have discovered), is the basis of everything. Even all the good and moral values, such as respect, tolerance, kindness, and obedience, all are rooted from love itself. I learned that I can only truly respect others out of love and not fear, and the same goes to the other values. True respect doesn’t come with money, power, or fear, but true respect must come on its own because the people who respect that particular person love him. Then not only will it be true, but also everlasting! I can’t be truly kind to someone if love is not present, not can I give full obedience if I do not do it out of love. I won’t have been exercising punctuality either, for if I love that person who has been waiting for me so much, I wouldn’t have left him or her waiting for me any longer. Isn’t my statement true?
And if all the good and moral values are actually based on love, everything that I do, which will be moulded by these values, must also be based on love to be done properly – which also covers my romantic relationship with another person.
Loving someone romantically doesn’t just mean chocolates, dates, hugs and having the desire to love both romantically and passionately. It is about EVERYTHING. Same goes to the other kinds of love – to friends, family, others, and even to God Himself. I realized that if I truly love someone, I wouldn’t disobey him, I wouldn’t be rude to him, I wouldn’t be late for our appointments and so on. Again, it covers everything about the other person.
Often I wondered in the past the truth of 1 John 4:16 that claims that “God is Love”. Yes, it is clearly stated there the three solid words in a single sentence (in that particular verse), and now I realized that it is true after all. As love covers everything, it also means that love itself is also PERFECT and NEVER LACKING. There is not a single speck of selfishness should be found in love, or else love can never be sincere and self – sacrificing. These by itself, are the characteristics of God (But again, all these are from my religious perspective. It is up to you to accept or ignore this statement).
Certainly at first, I felt discouraged upon knowing this truth, for now I have realized that the problem does not just lie onto those who have denied me of love, but also onto my failure of not loving them as well. To truly love someone seemed so demanding, as much as for anyone to love me the same way – especially when I am talking about romance. It is so hard not to lust against your partner and not to treat them selfishly (As from what I can see now, only a thin line divides the boundaries of love and obsessive possessiveness towards the person I have feelings to). All this involve all the good and moral values and virtues which make us human, which I can conclude in the end, that love is about treating another person as a human being without degrading them even a single bit – which covers their needs of respect, space, self – expression and so on.
But friend,
That is all I can share with you for now, because I myself, are also learning on how to truly love others from this point onwards. Of course, it is also another truth that no human being is made perfect (especially in the aspect of loving others), yet I hope that you will not misinterpret this fact and become lax instead in your search for the perfect love. I truly pray that you will find this message helpful and constructive, especially in helping you know what is truly love (especially in defining your own meaning of love), to practice love, and how to recognize love when you see one.
Remember that the world is a place full of deceptions, and what you see may not be what it seems to be. Love born out of selfishness, is not love at all. It is better to be single rather than to love or be loved selfishly, but when you see true love, embrace it. I am still not in the position to really guide you in how to love others and how others should love you, as I can only share what I have really experienced in my life, but I truly hope that by reading this you will reflect and ponder upon yourself a little bit more about how your life have gone so far, and change the perspectives you have been having towards the people around you and the world in general…
And regarding to you doubting that love still exists in this world, I wish to tell you that as much I want to convince you that love still does, it is really up to you to decide whether the answer is a “Yes” or a “No”. The verdict whether you still believe in love is not decided by your eyes, but it is by your heart and faith, especially when all of us are living in this fallen world. It not about you seeing love with your eyes, but it is about you believing in love, and that you feel that love is real, will then love can become real to you. (From a Christian’s perspective, as I have previously mentioned 1 John 4:16 that “God is love”, this is also the way how we believe that God is real, because though we can’t see Him, we can feel that He is alive in us, and that we have faith that He is the living God. That is how God seem so real not just to me, but to other believers as well). And as for our personal growth, in order to become more loving, it is about us wanting and willing to love, not waiting for others to love us first then only we will love them back (which is a very selfish attitude to have).
Before I end, I wish to pray for you that you will be better equipped by reading this in searching for whatever that you wish to seek. I too pray, that God will be with you in every step, and that He will guide you in your growth and journey throughout your life. May His blessings be upon you, and may His will be done, as I finish my final sentence. Take care, friend.
With blessings and prayers,
SEYMOUR NIGHTWEAVER (9TH FEBRUARY 2009)
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Message 8#
“God has made our world full of abundance, it is just us who made the limits and misused our resources…” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
Today I’ve been thinking… All of us humans have been living in a world full of limitations and lacks. There’re so many people around us who die of starvation or thirst, and many more who lacks many other things such as security, peace, home, clothing and most importantly, love. Taking a look into my life alone, I can see that there so many things which I am lacking especially in the past: love, attention, respect, knowledge and many more apart from mere physical needs…
Father, I have been thinking of everything today, on what this world lacks, what has changed and what has actually caused it in the beginning… Today, what that was supposed to be priceless: life, love, goodness, innocence to name a few, is as worthless as a single piece of paper. Yes, to worth no more than a piece of empty cheque, thanks to the control of economy over our daily lives… We placed everything that we know in our lives a value in this worldly system to begin with, and afterwards we speculate these prices. I am not saying that the world’s economic system is no good after all and we should just stay in the Stone Age right in the beginning, Father, but when whatever that has been created for the good of all has been corrupted and misused, those are the causes to the sufferings we all facing today… Because of greed and selfishness, the monetary system, which originally supposed to help us humans in distributing our resources more effectively such as food, has been the source of our everyday torment, corruption and disintegration of our society. Economic imbalance between nations has cause an uneven distribution of resources among the people, and the materialistic mindset has caused everything on our lives to degrade in value.
Father, how all of us have forsaken You in our lives… We often blamed it on somebody else, or to the world in a more collective manner, but how many have really thought about the whole thing thoroughly, on where is the true fault really lies. Money may be the problem in this world, but it is those who misused it who is the true culprit, and everyone is no exception. Everyone is a part of this world’s simple yet complex financial and economic system. Economy may have made everyone feel worthless or powerless in this matter, but the truth is, everyone contributes, no matter how meagre, and so is how the blame must be shared among all.
Father, You have made everyone’s lives equal. You have made values like love, faith, grace, mercy, goodness and many more priceless. You have made this world perfect and abundant, but look at what all of us have done! The world has now corrupted, and You know that far better than myself. I am crying to You right now, for I really do not want to live in the world I am living in right now. I can’t imagine how much suffering a person would have to undergo in this cruel and heartless world… Not just for me, but for everyone else, even for those who are yet to come… Father, I know I am really not this kind of person I am now, but I just can’t help thinking of the dread which all of us have to live in today…
Father, where are those who has a heart for You have gone? Where are they now, Father? Are there still goodness in this land apart from Yours, Father? Everything is so abundant around us until this very day, but how limited everything seems when we all try to grasp them with our selfish and filthy hands… Please forgive us for our sins, Father. Please guide us back to You, O’ Father to the way You wanted us to live.
So many people have strayed from You. Many have become criminals and prostitutes. Unrest is in the air, and poverty is rampant among the world of abundance You have created. Many have judged and accused You for being unfair, when it is their failure for letting their ignorance conceal them from the real problem – human greed and selfishness. But what can we do to undo this trouble which we invited ourselves?
What can we do without You, O’ Father? Your Kingdom is all that we are waiting for, but who knows when it’ll come but You? Till then, we need Your mercy and grace as we Christians face this world before us, Father.
Father,
I pray to You today, please provide us with the strength and might we need to face this harsh world as we live in it each passing day. Please give us the provisions we needed badly from You, Lord, for our labour will be great and our yoke will be demanding as we struggle to survive in this realm of existence. Please be our beacon of hope, Father, please let Your protective wings be our shelter as we seek spiritual refuge from the world’s atrocities… Please, Father, may Your love continue to be cherished onto those who need it, and may Your hands be on those who deserves to be nurture, for someday, Your Kingdom is coming… May You guide us and not let us stray as we patiently wait for Your coming, and as Your will be done, may the whole Earth praise You, for Your glory and unconditional love which You have blessed us with… Thank You, Father, for all You have done for all of us. In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.
PS: And all this is written just because I’m not eating enough for my lunch. What inspiration. Thank You, Father. ^^
Seymour Nightweaver (25th November 2008)
Father,
Today I’ve been thinking… All of us humans have been living in a world full of limitations and lacks. There’re so many people around us who die of starvation or thirst, and many more who lacks many other things such as security, peace, home, clothing and most importantly, love. Taking a look into my life alone, I can see that there so many things which I am lacking especially in the past: love, attention, respect, knowledge and many more apart from mere physical needs…
Father, I have been thinking of everything today, on what this world lacks, what has changed and what has actually caused it in the beginning… Today, what that was supposed to be priceless: life, love, goodness, innocence to name a few, is as worthless as a single piece of paper. Yes, to worth no more than a piece of empty cheque, thanks to the control of economy over our daily lives… We placed everything that we know in our lives a value in this worldly system to begin with, and afterwards we speculate these prices. I am not saying that the world’s economic system is no good after all and we should just stay in the Stone Age right in the beginning, Father, but when whatever that has been created for the good of all has been corrupted and misused, those are the causes to the sufferings we all facing today… Because of greed and selfishness, the monetary system, which originally supposed to help us humans in distributing our resources more effectively such as food, has been the source of our everyday torment, corruption and disintegration of our society. Economic imbalance between nations has cause an uneven distribution of resources among the people, and the materialistic mindset has caused everything on our lives to degrade in value.
Father, how all of us have forsaken You in our lives… We often blamed it on somebody else, or to the world in a more collective manner, but how many have really thought about the whole thing thoroughly, on where is the true fault really lies. Money may be the problem in this world, but it is those who misused it who is the true culprit, and everyone is no exception. Everyone is a part of this world’s simple yet complex financial and economic system. Economy may have made everyone feel worthless or powerless in this matter, but the truth is, everyone contributes, no matter how meagre, and so is how the blame must be shared among all.
Father, You have made everyone’s lives equal. You have made values like love, faith, grace, mercy, goodness and many more priceless. You have made this world perfect and abundant, but look at what all of us have done! The world has now corrupted, and You know that far better than myself. I am crying to You right now, for I really do not want to live in the world I am living in right now. I can’t imagine how much suffering a person would have to undergo in this cruel and heartless world… Not just for me, but for everyone else, even for those who are yet to come… Father, I know I am really not this kind of person I am now, but I just can’t help thinking of the dread which all of us have to live in today…
Father, where are those who has a heart for You have gone? Where are they now, Father? Are there still goodness in this land apart from Yours, Father? Everything is so abundant around us until this very day, but how limited everything seems when we all try to grasp them with our selfish and filthy hands… Please forgive us for our sins, Father. Please guide us back to You, O’ Father to the way You wanted us to live.
So many people have strayed from You. Many have become criminals and prostitutes. Unrest is in the air, and poverty is rampant among the world of abundance You have created. Many have judged and accused You for being unfair, when it is their failure for letting their ignorance conceal them from the real problem – human greed and selfishness. But what can we do to undo this trouble which we invited ourselves?
What can we do without You, O’ Father? Your Kingdom is all that we are waiting for, but who knows when it’ll come but You? Till then, we need Your mercy and grace as we Christians face this world before us, Father.
Father,
I pray to You today, please provide us with the strength and might we need to face this harsh world as we live in it each passing day. Please give us the provisions we needed badly from You, Lord, for our labour will be great and our yoke will be demanding as we struggle to survive in this realm of existence. Please be our beacon of hope, Father, please let Your protective wings be our shelter as we seek spiritual refuge from the world’s atrocities… Please, Father, may Your love continue to be cherished onto those who need it, and may Your hands be on those who deserves to be nurture, for someday, Your Kingdom is coming… May You guide us and not let us stray as we patiently wait for Your coming, and as Your will be done, may the whole Earth praise You, for Your glory and unconditional love which You have blessed us with… Thank You, Father, for all You have done for all of us. In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.
PS: And all this is written just because I’m not eating enough for my lunch. What inspiration. Thank You, Father. ^^
Seymour Nightweaver (25th November 2008)
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Message 7#
“Time is like a mirror. We will never know how much we have changed all these years until the moment when we looked back at it…” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
Never before I have ever imagined the changes that I have gone through during my first six months of USM life… Firstly my ELLS course, then PKA, followed by EPCC and then the USM International Buddies… I learnt so many things throughout the short period of time, and to know that You have always been with me throughout every moment, thank You so much! ^^
Ah, finally… Exam’s OVER!!! Yahoo! Praise You for being with me and letting me know that I am never alone in facing this ordeal. Though I admit that I am rather rash (or perhaps, reckless) with this exam with all the early “godspeed” blastoffs out of the exam halls and stunning my fellow course mates with the supersonic departures, but I suppose You have already expected all these to happen… Besides, You know me far better than anyone else in this world right? :P
Anyway Father, back to what I am planning to say out in this post… It has been a while since I last evaluate myself this much. This past two and a half months has been a very reflecting moment for me, just as You willed it to happen, and with the many feedbacks which I have received from the people around me, I was very surprised with how much I have changed in Your nurturing hands… I know, You have heard this from me countless times already, but how can You expect me to not say it again when almost everyday was like a new revelation in my life?
There may be still a few things that remained unchanged throughout this period of time – I’m still a game and anime freak, and I’m still an occasional social dork. Father, what do You think about empiric values that the society practices nowadays? Is that a must for me to do so? Father, You know best that I do not enjoy faking myself out with these kinds of impressions. Besides, You know that I’m very terrible in these kind of things. You made me to be natural, with a concealing character of course (as paradoxically, that is also a part of my natural self), but still, I do not fake up by being someone I am really not to gain attention or popularity... Of course, I realized that many people doesn’t really understand me in the way I think and the things I do (not even myself, funny but true), but that’s me all right. I am a stranger even to myself at times, and sometimes, I can even be rather surprised with what I can do at certain times…
And though rather unexplainable, but there are certain values about me that I never expected to have after all the bitterness and pain that I have gone through throughout my life. Cheryl is right. I do have a kind heart. Too kind at times perhaps, but its good of course. She may not know me as long as Sharon or Genevie or the rest of my beloved sisters in Christ, but she is right. Only You know how can I still have kindness in my heart after all the things that I’ve went through in my life, Father. Oh well, I guess if You wills it, it’ll happen. You’re almighty with powers without boundaries, what can say about these kinds of things when Your hands are working on it? But of course, praise You Father for sustaining the goodness within me despite all the sorrow and bitterness in my life.
Perhaps, I should start preparing something for the UTAR girls this Sunday. Its not everyday a person get to meet nice pretty girls nowadays. Perhaps its because I have a soft spot for women, especially good looking and kind hearted ones (same goes to Sharon, Genevie, Lydia and the rest of the sisters), but as long as it brings joy to everyone, it doesn’t really matter even if I am going to become a softie. Father, You know my weaknesses, and You know the best ways to mould me into the way You wanted me to be…
Father, what can I say for the joy I am sharing now with my brothers and sisters in PKA? How can I praise You with a praise worthy of Your Grace? Too bad I am not much of a good son. Disobedience, rebellious, sinful… Only countless thanksgivings I can give for Your Grace in Your Forgiveness… Definitely far inferior in value with what You have given me. But You accepted it anyway, You still accept whatever I can give to You… Sometimes true perfection, especially perfect love, can be really queer, not because it is actually queer in nature, but it is because we mortals could not recognize it for we cannot find it anymore in our realm of existence. The world has fallen and filled with evil beyond description. How much does the human race needs Your presence right now… It’s really depressing to see people nowadays being ignorant of the Truth and even worse, twisting the Truth into falsehood. I do not know what to say anymore… But I know You are in charge, and that’s all that I need to know. You are my Shepherd, and I found comfort in Your rod.
Honestly, sometimes I really find You as someone who is really weird and eccentric… True perfection is indeed not like what we mortals really think it is, as our mind and intellect by itself is imperfect in nature, as I learnt this fact personally from You… So though my opinion may seem so, please don’t take it seriously (which is something that I do not need to worry about for I know You won’t). Indeed, there is no one like You, Father. Often I wondered how would You be if You are truly human… But wait, there’s Jesus! Praise You!
As personal as this can be, I do not want to be bothered about it at all. It's my relationship with You anyway. Just You and me, and no one else. You are my personal Lord and Saviour, not public, and so, I wish to make sure that this message, with all the messages to come, to be typed with a personal flair, and nothing but pure honesty. Of course, there’s the concerns from the public, but knowing that You wanted this to happen and that You are in charge, why worry in the first place? Lord Father, I truly wish to have a more intimate relationship with You, and I wish to have my love for You to grow and blossom, despite the fact that I might be the worst son You can ever have throughout existence…
In the past, I wouldn’t have thought of all this, a year before I would have only thought of senseless and purposeless love… But today, there is no one I want to be with more than to be with You – each and every day… For my joy lies with You, my happiness lies with You, everything, everything that makes me, well me, all of them is in Your hands… I may be a jerk, I may be a scoundrel, but I still know love when I see one… And to know perfect and unconditional love… What can I say?
I may be enjoying my favourite animes right now just like every time, but at least today, I am enjoying it with You. Do You enjoy them too as much as I do, Father? ^^
Father,
Thank You, Father, for all the Grace and Kindness which You have showed me abundantly everyday. Thank You, for because of You I get to taste the fullest of life and comfort, and because of You I am who I am today. Thank You again for being with me in every step of my walk with You, and for moulding me to fulfil Your purpose. Forgive me, Father for all the disappointments and grief I have caused in Your heart, and guide me Lord Father so that I will not sin to You again. Thank You for Your Love and everything Father. May the coming days be full of blessings for everyone, and may Your will be done, Father, as I bring Your plans to action… In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (20th November 2008)
Father,
Never before I have ever imagined the changes that I have gone through during my first six months of USM life… Firstly my ELLS course, then PKA, followed by EPCC and then the USM International Buddies… I learnt so many things throughout the short period of time, and to know that You have always been with me throughout every moment, thank You so much! ^^
Ah, finally… Exam’s OVER!!! Yahoo! Praise You for being with me and letting me know that I am never alone in facing this ordeal. Though I admit that I am rather rash (or perhaps, reckless) with this exam with all the early “godspeed” blastoffs out of the exam halls and stunning my fellow course mates with the supersonic departures, but I suppose You have already expected all these to happen… Besides, You know me far better than anyone else in this world right? :P
Anyway Father, back to what I am planning to say out in this post… It has been a while since I last evaluate myself this much. This past two and a half months has been a very reflecting moment for me, just as You willed it to happen, and with the many feedbacks which I have received from the people around me, I was very surprised with how much I have changed in Your nurturing hands… I know, You have heard this from me countless times already, but how can You expect me to not say it again when almost everyday was like a new revelation in my life?
There may be still a few things that remained unchanged throughout this period of time – I’m still a game and anime freak, and I’m still an occasional social dork. Father, what do You think about empiric values that the society practices nowadays? Is that a must for me to do so? Father, You know best that I do not enjoy faking myself out with these kinds of impressions. Besides, You know that I’m very terrible in these kind of things. You made me to be natural, with a concealing character of course (as paradoxically, that is also a part of my natural self), but still, I do not fake up by being someone I am really not to gain attention or popularity... Of course, I realized that many people doesn’t really understand me in the way I think and the things I do (not even myself, funny but true), but that’s me all right. I am a stranger even to myself at times, and sometimes, I can even be rather surprised with what I can do at certain times…
And though rather unexplainable, but there are certain values about me that I never expected to have after all the bitterness and pain that I have gone through throughout my life. Cheryl is right. I do have a kind heart. Too kind at times perhaps, but its good of course. She may not know me as long as Sharon or Genevie or the rest of my beloved sisters in Christ, but she is right. Only You know how can I still have kindness in my heart after all the things that I’ve went through in my life, Father. Oh well, I guess if You wills it, it’ll happen. You’re almighty with powers without boundaries, what can say about these kinds of things when Your hands are working on it? But of course, praise You Father for sustaining the goodness within me despite all the sorrow and bitterness in my life.
Perhaps, I should start preparing something for the UTAR girls this Sunday. Its not everyday a person get to meet nice pretty girls nowadays. Perhaps its because I have a soft spot for women, especially good looking and kind hearted ones (same goes to Sharon, Genevie, Lydia and the rest of the sisters), but as long as it brings joy to everyone, it doesn’t really matter even if I am going to become a softie. Father, You know my weaknesses, and You know the best ways to mould me into the way You wanted me to be…
Father, what can I say for the joy I am sharing now with my brothers and sisters in PKA? How can I praise You with a praise worthy of Your Grace? Too bad I am not much of a good son. Disobedience, rebellious, sinful… Only countless thanksgivings I can give for Your Grace in Your Forgiveness… Definitely far inferior in value with what You have given me. But You accepted it anyway, You still accept whatever I can give to You… Sometimes true perfection, especially perfect love, can be really queer, not because it is actually queer in nature, but it is because we mortals could not recognize it for we cannot find it anymore in our realm of existence. The world has fallen and filled with evil beyond description. How much does the human race needs Your presence right now… It’s really depressing to see people nowadays being ignorant of the Truth and even worse, twisting the Truth into falsehood. I do not know what to say anymore… But I know You are in charge, and that’s all that I need to know. You are my Shepherd, and I found comfort in Your rod.
Honestly, sometimes I really find You as someone who is really weird and eccentric… True perfection is indeed not like what we mortals really think it is, as our mind and intellect by itself is imperfect in nature, as I learnt this fact personally from You… So though my opinion may seem so, please don’t take it seriously (which is something that I do not need to worry about for I know You won’t). Indeed, there is no one like You, Father. Often I wondered how would You be if You are truly human… But wait, there’s Jesus! Praise You!
As personal as this can be, I do not want to be bothered about it at all. It's my relationship with You anyway. Just You and me, and no one else. You are my personal Lord and Saviour, not public, and so, I wish to make sure that this message, with all the messages to come, to be typed with a personal flair, and nothing but pure honesty. Of course, there’s the concerns from the public, but knowing that You wanted this to happen and that You are in charge, why worry in the first place? Lord Father, I truly wish to have a more intimate relationship with You, and I wish to have my love for You to grow and blossom, despite the fact that I might be the worst son You can ever have throughout existence…
In the past, I wouldn’t have thought of all this, a year before I would have only thought of senseless and purposeless love… But today, there is no one I want to be with more than to be with You – each and every day… For my joy lies with You, my happiness lies with You, everything, everything that makes me, well me, all of them is in Your hands… I may be a jerk, I may be a scoundrel, but I still know love when I see one… And to know perfect and unconditional love… What can I say?
I may be enjoying my favourite animes right now just like every time, but at least today, I am enjoying it with You. Do You enjoy them too as much as I do, Father? ^^
Father,
Thank You, Father, for all the Grace and Kindness which You have showed me abundantly everyday. Thank You, for because of You I get to taste the fullest of life and comfort, and because of You I am who I am today. Thank You again for being with me in every step of my walk with You, and for moulding me to fulfil Your purpose. Forgive me, Father for all the disappointments and grief I have caused in Your heart, and guide me Lord Father so that I will not sin to You again. Thank You for Your Love and everything Father. May the coming days be full of blessings for everyone, and may Your will be done, Father, as I bring Your plans to action… In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (20th November 2008)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Message 6#
“One thing which I have learnt about being a human is that it is far much better to think of myself as a lowly being rather than to think of myself as someone superior.” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
I do not know why did I gave such a quote for this post, as it is quite irrelevant compared to what I wish to say here… Perhaps it is You who feels that this is a better choice (Oh well, we’ll found out the relevance when I finish typing this post…).
Father, all this while I have realized (Thanks to Pastor Sam for last weeks’ sermon. And of course, thank You, for always knowing what I needed most, and for always making sure that I will always receive the best from Your care…) that there is something wrong about our relationship… Even as I looked over the previous posts in this blog alone, I realized that I only involve You in certain parts of my life, such as my spiritual growth, my walk with You, my new life in Christ etc., everything that is in the Christianity context…. I never really made Jesus my personal Lord and Saviour, for I never really placed Your Son to be in charge of my whole everyday life… Perhaps I still do not know who You really are yet, perhaps I am still ignorant to this wonderful Heavenly Father of mine…
Often I forget, that You do not require me to approach You with a “formal holy” attitude. You do not expect me to come to Your altar as someone who is fully sacred and anointed. I often forget how I approached You in the past when I was still full of filth and dirt, and how ignorant am I of them at that time! And yet, Your doors are still open for me to seek Your presence, and You still welcome me into Your nurturing hands… Often I “disconnect” from You every time knowing that I have stumbled in my walk with You, and how I’ve isolated myself from You knowing that I have done a very disgraceful sin before Your eyes…
I remembered You’ve reminded me before of Hebrews 10:26-27 and 10:38… How I was filled in fear and cowered before Your words at that moment. Of course, now I know that it is just a reminder, and that I now know what You are trying to tell me (perhaps). I know that You are loving and forgiving, but for sure I wouldn’t want to end up as in Hebrews 10:31… I can’t imagine how dreadful it would be it that really happens. Even if my body don’t shiver, my heart trembles with unrest…
Now I have already realized what You want to tell me about our relationship, which also brings back to my third previous conversation between Bau and me… You have been telling me that back then didn’t You? Forgive me, Father for though I did had a little grasp of Your words, but I didn’t took the initiative to reflect properly on it, nor did I have the sensitivity to feel its importance… Looks like I still have a whole lot of things to learn about us! Alright, I know that You want me to take it easy. You do not want me to wear myself out in this relationship of ours. I can hear that from Your whispers deep in my heart’s core. Thanks for Your wonderful care and love on me. Praise You, Father.
How much have I wondered on how You could have worked Your miracles on others as You renew them and release them from their past bondage with sin… Pastor Sam is right. You ARE able to do so, and You can even do it on me. It is me who doubts, it is me who did not let You do Your job for I did not surrender everything to You. I did not really made Your Son as my true personal Lord and Saviour. He may be governing over some aspects of my life, but I can see clearly now that He is still not in control of all of them because of my own reluctance. I am still sinning for I am still unwilling to surrender myself to Jesus this area of my life… You are truly both the God of The Mountains and the God of The Valleys. How last Sunday’s sermon has gave me a new perspective on our relationship…
But Father, to think that You could be such a living God, who is not just patient and loving, but also patient and nurturing to this worthless servant of Yours, I am totally speechless. Up to today even after I have became a Christian, I know that I am still a disgrace to You for I am still sinning before Your eyes, yet You are still here for me. You are still whispering and guiding me from time to time… As low as I could be, You too stooped that low so that You could always be by side. Father, You accepted me even though I am lacking, and You still gave me Your Love and Grace to the fullest even when You know I will stumble before Your eyes again. I know You can’t tolerate imperfection and uncleanness, but You are still telling me to take my time, and You are still with me throughout the journey… Perhaps You have already made me clean by the sacrificial blood of Christ. Perhaps that was the reason then…
Still, that doesn’t mean that I’m still off the hook. I may have been forgiven, but I am still not free from my bondage of sin. I have also realized right now, that the conversation with Bau was not the only time You were trying to convey me Your message… You have been doing it all this while and You have been waiting for me with open hands every time… You know how hesitant I was when I am in church knowing how much I have sinned to You even after becoming a Christian. You know who bad I felt every time I reflect and examine myself before going before You… You know me well, but it is me who do not know You for who You really are… I still have lots to learn about You, Father… I still have lots lore to learn…
But Father, as weak I may be, as unclean I may be, my intentions are sincere. I wish to enjoy a wonderful relationship with You, O’ Father. I wish to be a real Christian… Father, please liberate me from my darkness. Please be here for me always Father, or provide me with the strength so that I will always remember to draw my strength from You (As in truth, You have always been there for me. It is me who shut You off…) so that I will not fall again into darkness. I do not want to go back there again…
Father,
I commit my whole life to You, O’ Lord, and to Your Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to be my personal Lord and Saviour… Father, I pray to You this morning, not because of something that I have to do, for You have never forced me to do anything but instead You have gave me the freedom to choose, but it is because of something that I want to do for You. I know that everything that is in this world is nothing compare to You, and that there is nothing better in my life than to enjoy Your presence and joy (which will be my strength) in each and every day of my life… Father, I also wish to pray to You for another matter, which is to be more intimate with You in our personal relationship, for I feel that we are still lacking in that field, especially in sharing my daily life with You… I pray that Your presence will be there in whatever I do, from my church and social life to even my most private activities and matters, so that You will be in control of everything which I do. I pray to You this morning, O’ Father, for I love You with all my heart and soul, and knowing that, Father, You are the God of The Mountains and the God of The Valleys who will always be with me no matter how high or low I am – and that Your power, ability and victory will always know no boundary… Thank You Lord, for Your presence in my life, Father. Thanks You for Your Love, Grace, and Mercy. Thank You for everything, and may Your will be done. In Jesus’ most precious and almighty name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (12th November 2008)
Father,
I do not know why did I gave such a quote for this post, as it is quite irrelevant compared to what I wish to say here… Perhaps it is You who feels that this is a better choice (Oh well, we’ll found out the relevance when I finish typing this post…).
Father, all this while I have realized (Thanks to Pastor Sam for last weeks’ sermon. And of course, thank You, for always knowing what I needed most, and for always making sure that I will always receive the best from Your care…) that there is something wrong about our relationship… Even as I looked over the previous posts in this blog alone, I realized that I only involve You in certain parts of my life, such as my spiritual growth, my walk with You, my new life in Christ etc., everything that is in the Christianity context…. I never really made Jesus my personal Lord and Saviour, for I never really placed Your Son to be in charge of my whole everyday life… Perhaps I still do not know who You really are yet, perhaps I am still ignorant to this wonderful Heavenly Father of mine…
Often I forget, that You do not require me to approach You with a “formal holy” attitude. You do not expect me to come to Your altar as someone who is fully sacred and anointed. I often forget how I approached You in the past when I was still full of filth and dirt, and how ignorant am I of them at that time! And yet, Your doors are still open for me to seek Your presence, and You still welcome me into Your nurturing hands… Often I “disconnect” from You every time knowing that I have stumbled in my walk with You, and how I’ve isolated myself from You knowing that I have done a very disgraceful sin before Your eyes…
I remembered You’ve reminded me before of Hebrews 10:26-27 and 10:38… How I was filled in fear and cowered before Your words at that moment. Of course, now I know that it is just a reminder, and that I now know what You are trying to tell me (perhaps). I know that You are loving and forgiving, but for sure I wouldn’t want to end up as in Hebrews 10:31… I can’t imagine how dreadful it would be it that really happens. Even if my body don’t shiver, my heart trembles with unrest…
Now I have already realized what You want to tell me about our relationship, which also brings back to my third previous conversation between Bau and me… You have been telling me that back then didn’t You? Forgive me, Father for though I did had a little grasp of Your words, but I didn’t took the initiative to reflect properly on it, nor did I have the sensitivity to feel its importance… Looks like I still have a whole lot of things to learn about us! Alright, I know that You want me to take it easy. You do not want me to wear myself out in this relationship of ours. I can hear that from Your whispers deep in my heart’s core. Thanks for Your wonderful care and love on me. Praise You, Father.
How much have I wondered on how You could have worked Your miracles on others as You renew them and release them from their past bondage with sin… Pastor Sam is right. You ARE able to do so, and You can even do it on me. It is me who doubts, it is me who did not let You do Your job for I did not surrender everything to You. I did not really made Your Son as my true personal Lord and Saviour. He may be governing over some aspects of my life, but I can see clearly now that He is still not in control of all of them because of my own reluctance. I am still sinning for I am still unwilling to surrender myself to Jesus this area of my life… You are truly both the God of The Mountains and the God of The Valleys. How last Sunday’s sermon has gave me a new perspective on our relationship…
But Father, to think that You could be such a living God, who is not just patient and loving, but also patient and nurturing to this worthless servant of Yours, I am totally speechless. Up to today even after I have became a Christian, I know that I am still a disgrace to You for I am still sinning before Your eyes, yet You are still here for me. You are still whispering and guiding me from time to time… As low as I could be, You too stooped that low so that You could always be by side. Father, You accepted me even though I am lacking, and You still gave me Your Love and Grace to the fullest even when You know I will stumble before Your eyes again. I know You can’t tolerate imperfection and uncleanness, but You are still telling me to take my time, and You are still with me throughout the journey… Perhaps You have already made me clean by the sacrificial blood of Christ. Perhaps that was the reason then…
Still, that doesn’t mean that I’m still off the hook. I may have been forgiven, but I am still not free from my bondage of sin. I have also realized right now, that the conversation with Bau was not the only time You were trying to convey me Your message… You have been doing it all this while and You have been waiting for me with open hands every time… You know how hesitant I was when I am in church knowing how much I have sinned to You even after becoming a Christian. You know who bad I felt every time I reflect and examine myself before going before You… You know me well, but it is me who do not know You for who You really are… I still have lots to learn about You, Father… I still have lots lore to learn…
But Father, as weak I may be, as unclean I may be, my intentions are sincere. I wish to enjoy a wonderful relationship with You, O’ Father. I wish to be a real Christian… Father, please liberate me from my darkness. Please be here for me always Father, or provide me with the strength so that I will always remember to draw my strength from You (As in truth, You have always been there for me. It is me who shut You off…) so that I will not fall again into darkness. I do not want to go back there again…
Father,
I commit my whole life to You, O’ Lord, and to Your Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to be my personal Lord and Saviour… Father, I pray to You this morning, not because of something that I have to do, for You have never forced me to do anything but instead You have gave me the freedom to choose, but it is because of something that I want to do for You. I know that everything that is in this world is nothing compare to You, and that there is nothing better in my life than to enjoy Your presence and joy (which will be my strength) in each and every day of my life… Father, I also wish to pray to You for another matter, which is to be more intimate with You in our personal relationship, for I feel that we are still lacking in that field, especially in sharing my daily life with You… I pray that Your presence will be there in whatever I do, from my church and social life to even my most private activities and matters, so that You will be in control of everything which I do. I pray to You this morning, O’ Father, for I love You with all my heart and soul, and knowing that, Father, You are the God of The Mountains and the God of The Valleys who will always be with me no matter how high or low I am – and that Your power, ability and victory will always know no boundary… Thank You Lord, for Your presence in my life, Father. Thanks You for Your Love, Grace, and Mercy. Thank You for everything, and may Your will be done. In Jesus’ most precious and almighty name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (12th November 2008)
Message 5#
“The Book of Habakkuk… Often I wondered why it has to be Habakkuk, until when I looked at the fallen world I live in …” – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
It has been three months already since You have took me back to church… Thanks to You, and to Sharon, my dear sister whom You brought me to in making this happen… I am indeed grateful for the new life You have given me, for the opportunity to be able to know that Christianity truly is, and to enjoy Your Grace, Love and Forgiveness…
A lot of things has changed throughout these few months, Father, and I know that You Yourself know better about this compared to me. Though I know that I am still not thoroughly clean, I praise You, Father, for You are still with me all this while, ever faithful, ever loving… And knowing that You have prepared a special purpose for me in this life, You have trained me and nurtured me with Your very own hands so that I could accomplish it as You wanted me to do, and to prepare myself for a life in this world.
Perhaps that’s why You want me to study the Book of Habakkuk in my first few sermons back then. You knew how fallen this world is… You knew that the first thing I needed would be guidance to face this harsh world outside as soon as I leave university… Indeed, there is no need to talk about the world, just by looking at this nation alone, it a denial by not saying it that it’s a total disappointment… Just look at the television programme that is showing right now. It’s so disappointing and depressing to see people nowadays being forced into marriage with a person they do not even know when they themselves are already in love with another person… And worse, these things happen for lowly and worldly reasons – riches, family name, dignity, influence and many other factors which are slowly corrupting and breaking down the society.
Father, I do not know why many people nowadays do not realize this, but the world is not in a mess. Often we hear leaders claiming that the nation is going towards a better future, when all this while the society which lives in here is slowly breaking apart into fractions of individualism and the politics is in a total havoc. What oxymoron! Is there any worse irony than to develop a nation by doing things that would tear it apart? We are all living in a world of paradoxes, of countless oxymoron, ironies and senseless insanity, Father, but thanks to You, for in You we could all still find joy, goodness and reason behind our existence. Living for You are the purpose of our lives, and there are no better purpose than that. And of course, knowing that You are the living God, the One who is good, and the One who knows what’s best for the world. There is no better security than to know that we Christians have You, Father, by our side…
I know, Father, I am aware of Your might, of Your powers and miracles You could bring unto this world. The Bible alone, Your Word, says it all. What else I need to proof Your Glory? But Father, please sustain me. You know how depressed I am with everything which is a part of this world now, how much sadness I have to bear knowing all this, for all this You already knew of their weight and size within my heart. I know, only You knows best regarding to this world. I know You are waiting for the perfect moment to bring the long awaited tide of change, the tsunami which would rock this whole world and make everyone tremble by its earthshaking power, but Father, have compassion for me, for my soul is weak. I can’t withstand all this as much as You do, Lord. I need Your sustainment and strength to live in this defiled land… You are the only hope left, O’ Father. I need You. We all need You! All of us are suffocating in this world, Father. Long have we waited for Your miracles to be done on this nation, Father, and until now, we are still hopefully waiting for You.
Perhaps You have already set Your plans into motion, as I hear the hopeful whispers echoing softly deep inside my heart. But till the time when You readily reveal Your miracles, all of us will be waiting, waiting patiently for Your work to be done with faith and hope. I know, what You might bring for the nation may not be what we are expecting from You, but nevertheless, as we all learn from the Book of Habakkuk, we will accept it, for You are good, and whatever that You will bring for us is good. Please, O’ Father, may Your strength sustains all of us, may Your love pull us forward as we live lives worthy of Your Name…
Father,
I pray to You O’ Father, may Your love be on all of us always. May Your strength be on us as we face our everyday lives, and may Your Spirit be with us in times of hardship, so we may persevere in wait of Your waves of reform. May You be a shelter for the weak, a place of refuge for the desolate, and a beacon of hope for the oppressed. Father, may Your will be done on the nation as it is committed into Your mighty hand. Thank You, Father, and may Your presence be on us always. In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (12th November 2008)
Father,
It has been three months already since You have took me back to church… Thanks to You, and to Sharon, my dear sister whom You brought me to in making this happen… I am indeed grateful for the new life You have given me, for the opportunity to be able to know that Christianity truly is, and to enjoy Your Grace, Love and Forgiveness…
A lot of things has changed throughout these few months, Father, and I know that You Yourself know better about this compared to me. Though I know that I am still not thoroughly clean, I praise You, Father, for You are still with me all this while, ever faithful, ever loving… And knowing that You have prepared a special purpose for me in this life, You have trained me and nurtured me with Your very own hands so that I could accomplish it as You wanted me to do, and to prepare myself for a life in this world.
Perhaps that’s why You want me to study the Book of Habakkuk in my first few sermons back then. You knew how fallen this world is… You knew that the first thing I needed would be guidance to face this harsh world outside as soon as I leave university… Indeed, there is no need to talk about the world, just by looking at this nation alone, it a denial by not saying it that it’s a total disappointment… Just look at the television programme that is showing right now. It’s so disappointing and depressing to see people nowadays being forced into marriage with a person they do not even know when they themselves are already in love with another person… And worse, these things happen for lowly and worldly reasons – riches, family name, dignity, influence and many other factors which are slowly corrupting and breaking down the society.
Father, I do not know why many people nowadays do not realize this, but the world is not in a mess. Often we hear leaders claiming that the nation is going towards a better future, when all this while the society which lives in here is slowly breaking apart into fractions of individualism and the politics is in a total havoc. What oxymoron! Is there any worse irony than to develop a nation by doing things that would tear it apart? We are all living in a world of paradoxes, of countless oxymoron, ironies and senseless insanity, Father, but thanks to You, for in You we could all still find joy, goodness and reason behind our existence. Living for You are the purpose of our lives, and there are no better purpose than that. And of course, knowing that You are the living God, the One who is good, and the One who knows what’s best for the world. There is no better security than to know that we Christians have You, Father, by our side…
I know, Father, I am aware of Your might, of Your powers and miracles You could bring unto this world. The Bible alone, Your Word, says it all. What else I need to proof Your Glory? But Father, please sustain me. You know how depressed I am with everything which is a part of this world now, how much sadness I have to bear knowing all this, for all this You already knew of their weight and size within my heart. I know, only You knows best regarding to this world. I know You are waiting for the perfect moment to bring the long awaited tide of change, the tsunami which would rock this whole world and make everyone tremble by its earthshaking power, but Father, have compassion for me, for my soul is weak. I can’t withstand all this as much as You do, Lord. I need Your sustainment and strength to live in this defiled land… You are the only hope left, O’ Father. I need You. We all need You! All of us are suffocating in this world, Father. Long have we waited for Your miracles to be done on this nation, Father, and until now, we are still hopefully waiting for You.
Perhaps You have already set Your plans into motion, as I hear the hopeful whispers echoing softly deep inside my heart. But till the time when You readily reveal Your miracles, all of us will be waiting, waiting patiently for Your work to be done with faith and hope. I know, what You might bring for the nation may not be what we are expecting from You, but nevertheless, as we all learn from the Book of Habakkuk, we will accept it, for You are good, and whatever that You will bring for us is good. Please, O’ Father, may Your strength sustains all of us, may Your love pull us forward as we live lives worthy of Your Name…
Father,
I pray to You O’ Father, may Your love be on all of us always. May Your strength be on us as we face our everyday lives, and may Your Spirit be with us in times of hardship, so we may persevere in wait of Your waves of reform. May You be a shelter for the weak, a place of refuge for the desolate, and a beacon of hope for the oppressed. Father, may Your will be done on the nation as it is committed into Your mighty hand. Thank You, Father, and may Your presence be on us always. In Jesus’ almighty and precious name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (12th November 2008)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Message 4#
“The greatest gifts that anyone can ever get for my birthday would be the eternal promise that You, the loving Father, will always be there for me no matter what, and celebrating my birthday with Your presence in the warmth of love and fellowship…’ – Seymour Nightweaver
Father,
Firstly, how I wished to thank You with all my heart for the friends that you have placed me among today… Those who sent SMSes to me, wishing me a wonderful “Happy Birthday”, those who held parties for me and brought cakes for me to celebrate together, and also those who despite that they were not informed of this event (or were late), but still wishes me and treated me with warmth and friendship… How hard it is to hold back my tears thinking of all that they’ve done throughout this week… not just for them, but even the lecturers (Miss Viji), my church friends (Aunty Jane) and many many more… Thank You, Father, and knowing that Your presence are with us all as we are celebrating, there can be no better birthday than this. I’m really touched…
Father, as I think back on all that have happened in the past, I also realized how much I have changed in Your hands. I know, I’ve been telling this over and over now, but Father, only You know how much I really felt about it today… How I realized that You have been with me all this while, with all the patience and kindness as You help me with releasing me from me struggles… And how You have endlessly touched me in my heart over and over from time to time with Your gentle hands in healing me and consoling me when I was in pain… How can I say anything else that can describe Your goodness thinking back all the moments when You open Your doors to me to provide me comfort, empathy and an understanding pair of ears to pour my heart out every time I am but in my lowest conditions of despair. What can I say to praise You with words so deserving of Your kindness and grace? And above all this, You set me free. You set me free Father, from my past bondage, my past sorrows and pain as I live my life today for a future You have set for me long before I knew of it. You first gave me a peace of mind as You provide a shelter for me from my every time I seek Your presence, but as I grew stronger, You guided me to break apart from the chains that bind me to my past – my shadows… You gave me the strength and wisdom to face my scars and the pain that I have gone through in the past, and to soar above it all, free and in joy. Oh, how I sang Your praises with all my heart and soul knowing that You are here to set me free, and how sweet the voice and melody are as I sang it out from my once inner shell of captivity, slowly cracking and disintegrating into nothingness. I could still remember that very night of my birthday when it is just two of us, walking along the busy road back to the hostel after a wonderful curry mee and pasar malam outing with Su Yean jie jie, feeling the joy of freedom as I sang my heart out to You…
Father, I can never know how You can work Your miracles on all of us in this world… One minute I was telling Su Yean jie jie how hard it is to be free from my past… and one minute later I found myself singing my praises to You, feeling free from captivity… How You knew and planned to get me prepared to break free from my shadows, and to let it happen on my birthday… Su Yean jie jie is right after all. I just need to “do” it and let go. No extra efforts. I just to trust and have faith in You, and let go. And to know and realize that the Sunday sermon on the following day is about the renewing of the mind and letting go of the past… Father, how I can thank You for Your indescribable work of miracles! How I felt the feeling of abundant love You had for me, knowing that You have prepared all this for me… All for my nineteenth birthday!!! Lord, how I wished I can say how much I love You to the face of the world! How I wished to shout to You in joy, for having such a wonderful Father in my life, for having something so indescribable like a living God!!! Father, You know how much I needed friends and company whom I can count on - that’s why you placed my here, with my fellow brothers and sisters of PKA, and many others with you have placed me with in my life right now, who are always constantly praying, supporting, and being with me both physically and spiritually (which is obviously way far more than what I asked for in the beginning), friends whom I have never expected nor ever imagined to have…
How happy am I right now I weep unto Your bosom like a child longing for his Father… How happy is it to cry like a baby before You like a baby right now, touched after knowing all You have done for me, after knowing to what extent is Your love to me, and after realizing how much You are willing to do for me… To save me, to nurture me, and to care and love me as Your own son… And not to count in the forgiveness and patience You gave as You watched me struggling with my filth and sins with defeat every time… And how You still remain faithful to me even after countless disobedience and rebellion… Despite the fact that I am contaminated with the venoms that flowed in my veins, whether it is the creeping lusty desires or the seeping acidic feeling of hatred and anger, You are still willing to save me and accept me for who I am, and slowly healing me from my mortal scars and wounds… What can I say? What can I describe? What can I explain? I’m speechless before You right now for there’s no fitting word worthy for Your never ceasing glory. Your love is wider than the widest sea, Your kindness is sweeter than the sweetest honey… You are indeed above all other, as no other is better than You in this realm and nothing is near to even comparable to Your greatness. What else can I say about You, for You are beyond everything that I know in this world, and yet, You sent Your Son, Jesus to lay His life for me, to cleanse and redeem me from the curse of sin. I’m free because of You. I found peace because of You. I found joy because of You. But most importantly, I also found life, all because of Your grace, mercy, and unconditional agape love… Praise You, Father. That’s all I can say.
Father,
Thank You for Your love, grace and mercy, as I am here today celebrating a brand new year of my life in the midst of love and fellowship. Thank You, Father, for the friends that You have placed my among, for all the prayers, blessings, and support they have given me in Your name, and for all the joyous time we shared and cherished together which You have provided for us… Forgive me o’ Lord, for anything that I might have done to them which have hurt their feelings, brought displeasure or offended them, and forgive them also Father, for anything bad or painful that they have done to me. I pray to You o’ Father, may You will continue be with us and touch our hearts as we move on with our coming days in our preparation for our examinations. May Your will be done as we prepare ourselves to reap our semester’s worth of harvest in a week’s time, and may the coming days be a blessing for us, as You remain faithful to us in the throne of our hearts… Thank You again for grace, mercy and love, Father. In Jesus’ most precious and almighty name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (27th October 2008)
Father,
Firstly, how I wished to thank You with all my heart for the friends that you have placed me among today… Those who sent SMSes to me, wishing me a wonderful “Happy Birthday”, those who held parties for me and brought cakes for me to celebrate together, and also those who despite that they were not informed of this event (or were late), but still wishes me and treated me with warmth and friendship… How hard it is to hold back my tears thinking of all that they’ve done throughout this week… not just for them, but even the lecturers (Miss Viji), my church friends (Aunty Jane) and many many more… Thank You, Father, and knowing that Your presence are with us all as we are celebrating, there can be no better birthday than this. I’m really touched…
Father, as I think back on all that have happened in the past, I also realized how much I have changed in Your hands. I know, I’ve been telling this over and over now, but Father, only You know how much I really felt about it today… How I realized that You have been with me all this while, with all the patience and kindness as You help me with releasing me from me struggles… And how You have endlessly touched me in my heart over and over from time to time with Your gentle hands in healing me and consoling me when I was in pain… How can I say anything else that can describe Your goodness thinking back all the moments when You open Your doors to me to provide me comfort, empathy and an understanding pair of ears to pour my heart out every time I am but in my lowest conditions of despair. What can I say to praise You with words so deserving of Your kindness and grace? And above all this, You set me free. You set me free Father, from my past bondage, my past sorrows and pain as I live my life today for a future You have set for me long before I knew of it. You first gave me a peace of mind as You provide a shelter for me from my every time I seek Your presence, but as I grew stronger, You guided me to break apart from the chains that bind me to my past – my shadows… You gave me the strength and wisdom to face my scars and the pain that I have gone through in the past, and to soar above it all, free and in joy. Oh, how I sang Your praises with all my heart and soul knowing that You are here to set me free, and how sweet the voice and melody are as I sang it out from my once inner shell of captivity, slowly cracking and disintegrating into nothingness. I could still remember that very night of my birthday when it is just two of us, walking along the busy road back to the hostel after a wonderful curry mee and pasar malam outing with Su Yean jie jie, feeling the joy of freedom as I sang my heart out to You…
Father, I can never know how You can work Your miracles on all of us in this world… One minute I was telling Su Yean jie jie how hard it is to be free from my past… and one minute later I found myself singing my praises to You, feeling free from captivity… How You knew and planned to get me prepared to break free from my shadows, and to let it happen on my birthday… Su Yean jie jie is right after all. I just need to “do” it and let go. No extra efforts. I just to trust and have faith in You, and let go. And to know and realize that the Sunday sermon on the following day is about the renewing of the mind and letting go of the past… Father, how I can thank You for Your indescribable work of miracles! How I felt the feeling of abundant love You had for me, knowing that You have prepared all this for me… All for my nineteenth birthday!!! Lord, how I wished I can say how much I love You to the face of the world! How I wished to shout to You in joy, for having such a wonderful Father in my life, for having something so indescribable like a living God!!! Father, You know how much I needed friends and company whom I can count on - that’s why you placed my here, with my fellow brothers and sisters of PKA, and many others with you have placed me with in my life right now, who are always constantly praying, supporting, and being with me both physically and spiritually (which is obviously way far more than what I asked for in the beginning), friends whom I have never expected nor ever imagined to have…
How happy am I right now I weep unto Your bosom like a child longing for his Father… How happy is it to cry like a baby before You like a baby right now, touched after knowing all You have done for me, after knowing to what extent is Your love to me, and after realizing how much You are willing to do for me… To save me, to nurture me, and to care and love me as Your own son… And not to count in the forgiveness and patience You gave as You watched me struggling with my filth and sins with defeat every time… And how You still remain faithful to me even after countless disobedience and rebellion… Despite the fact that I am contaminated with the venoms that flowed in my veins, whether it is the creeping lusty desires or the seeping acidic feeling of hatred and anger, You are still willing to save me and accept me for who I am, and slowly healing me from my mortal scars and wounds… What can I say? What can I describe? What can I explain? I’m speechless before You right now for there’s no fitting word worthy for Your never ceasing glory. Your love is wider than the widest sea, Your kindness is sweeter than the sweetest honey… You are indeed above all other, as no other is better than You in this realm and nothing is near to even comparable to Your greatness. What else can I say about You, for You are beyond everything that I know in this world, and yet, You sent Your Son, Jesus to lay His life for me, to cleanse and redeem me from the curse of sin. I’m free because of You. I found peace because of You. I found joy because of You. But most importantly, I also found life, all because of Your grace, mercy, and unconditional agape love… Praise You, Father. That’s all I can say.
Father,
Thank You for Your love, grace and mercy, as I am here today celebrating a brand new year of my life in the midst of love and fellowship. Thank You, Father, for the friends that You have placed my among, for all the prayers, blessings, and support they have given me in Your name, and for all the joyous time we shared and cherished together which You have provided for us… Forgive me o’ Lord, for anything that I might have done to them which have hurt their feelings, brought displeasure or offended them, and forgive them also Father, for anything bad or painful that they have done to me. I pray to You o’ Father, may You will continue be with us and touch our hearts as we move on with our coming days in our preparation for our examinations. May Your will be done as we prepare ourselves to reap our semester’s worth of harvest in a week’s time, and may the coming days be a blessing for us, as You remain faithful to us in the throne of our hearts… Thank You again for grace, mercy and love, Father. In Jesus’ most precious and almighty name I pray. Amen.
Seymour Nightweaver (27th October 2008)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)